Comment deleted by Article Creator
Comment deleted by Article Creator
Elevator Magic
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s this, Pa?”
The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is!”
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, “Go get your ma!”
......................<oo00OO00oo>.......................
EVOLUTION OF THE SPECIES.....
...........o...........0...........O...........
Comment deleted by Article Creator
http://www.ja606.co.uk/pages/smileys/ shows all the smileys, with the exception of < carrot > and < snickers > (remove spaces).
Bold: <b>bold text</b>
Underlined: <u>underlined text</u>
Italic: <i>italic text</i>
Bold, Underlined, Italic: <b><u><i>bold, underlined, italic text</i></u></b>
Note that text styles only work with articles, not comments.
Comment deleted by Article Creator
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."
3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother."
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't
that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
Oxford crew."
5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them .....
Oh my god!! What have I just said??"
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's
that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so
hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69 yesterday."
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
this."
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They
seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in
his shorts."
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fa nny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fa nny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
10. "There is nothing wrong with the car - except that it's on fire" - Legendary F1 commentator Murray Walker.
11. "And Michael Schumacher is actually in a very good position. He is in last place." - Murray Walker
12. "I saw him kick the bucket over there which suggests he's not going to be able to continue" - Trevor Brooking discussing a frustrated player taking out his feelings on a pail of water by the side of the pitch.
13. "Moses Kiptanui, the 19-year-old Kenyan who turned 20 a few weeks ago" -David Coleman.
14. "Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker. Now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand" - Snooker commentator 'Whispering' Ted Lowe
15. "Hamburg are the European champions!" - ITV footballer commentator Brian Moore immediately after the final whistle of the 1980 European Cup final.. Nottingham Forest had just won 1-0.
16. "I'm not going to pick out anyone in particular, but Jay Jay Okocha should not be captain of a football club" - Rodney Marsh.
17. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" - gymnastics gold medallist Paul Hamm.
18. "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" -Ron Atkinson.
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann, former quarterback
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight." Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"In a sense it's a one-man show... except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper." John Motson, BBC1
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." Alan Minter, Boxer
"Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running." Ron Pickering
"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" Ian St John
"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" Brian Moore
"That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it." Kevin Keegan, ex-England manager and player
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?" Stuart Hall, interviewing Jack Charlton, Radio 5 Live
"Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." Terry Venables, ex-England manager
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing." Ade Akinbiyi
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." Mark Draper
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison, ITV
"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match." Ian Wright, ITV
"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game." Kevin Keegan
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." Andy Gray, Sky Sports
"What disappointed me was that we didn't play with any passion. I'm not disappointed, you know, I'm just disappointed." Kevin Keegan
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." David Acfield
"If you were in the Brondby dressing room right now, which of the Liverpool players would you be looking at?" Ray Stubbs
"You sometimes open your mouth and it punches you straight between the eyes..." Paddy Crerand
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head..." Derek Johnstone
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." David Beckham
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
"If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus."
Ron Atkinson
"The important thing is that he shook hands with us over the phone."
Alan Ball
"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."
Kevin Keegan
"A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off."
Kevin Keegan
"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought"
(Bobby Robson)
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised"
(Ian McNail)
"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes."
(David Coleman)
"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
(David Coleman)
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"
(Murray Walker)
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
(Stuart Pearce)
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father"
(Greg Norman)
"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales"
(Ron Greenwood)
"A brain Scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin"
(Jo Sheldon)
The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation"
(Ron Pickering)
That's inches away from being millimetre perfect"
(Ted Lowe)
"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him"
(Stuart Pearson)
"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right"
(Marlon Starling)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
(Terry Venables)
"I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge"
(John Snagge - Boat Race)
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round."
(Tony Crozier)
Comment deleted by Article Creator
Comment deleted by Article Creator
Comment deleted by Article Creator
Comment deleted by Article Creator
I tried to change my password to man-u-defence but it's telling me error "too weak"
Comment deleted by Article Creator
Comment deleted by Article Creator
Comment deleted by Article Creator
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Ecky-Thump
Sign in if you want to comment
Paste & copy tank
Page 1 of 8
6 | 7 | 8
posted on 17/6/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 17/9/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 18/9/11
Elevator Magic
A hillbilly family took a vacation to New York City. One day, the father took his son into a large building. They were amazed by everything they saw, especially the elevator at one end of the lobby. The boy asked, “What’s this, Pa?”
The father responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life. I don’t know what it is!”
While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again, and a voluptuous twenty-four-year old woman stepped out.
The father turned to his son and said, “Go get your ma!”
posted on 24/9/11
......................<oo00OO00oo>.......................
posted on 24/9/11
EVOLUTION OF THE SPECIES.....
...........o...........0...........O...........
posted on 24/9/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 24/9/11
<u>hello</u>
posted on 24/9/11
<u>underlined text</u>
posted on 24/9/11
http://www.ja606.co.uk/pages/smileys/ shows all the smileys, with the exception of < carrot > and < snickers > (remove spaces).
Bold: <b>bold text</b>
Underlined: <u>underlined text</u>
Italic: <i>italic text</i>
Bold, Underlined, Italic: <b><u><i>bold, underlined, italic text</i></u></b>
Note that text styles only work with articles, not comments.
posted on 24/9/11
.............
posted on 6/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 6/10/11
1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from
Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl
Gibson comes inside of him."
3. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely
horse. I once rode her mother."
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't
that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the
Oxford crew."
5. US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is
playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his
balls and kisses them .....
Oh my god!! What have I just said??"
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team
Live' said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's
that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to
leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so
hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better
today after a 69 yesterday."
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said:
"There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like
this."
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."
11. Michael Buerk on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They
seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in
his shorts."
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fa nny
Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to
use Fa nny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."
posted on 6/10/11
10. "There is nothing wrong with the car - except that it's on fire" - Legendary F1 commentator Murray Walker.
11. "And Michael Schumacher is actually in a very good position. He is in last place." - Murray Walker
12. "I saw him kick the bucket over there which suggests he's not going to be able to continue" - Trevor Brooking discussing a frustrated player taking out his feelings on a pail of water by the side of the pitch.
13. "Moses Kiptanui, the 19-year-old Kenyan who turned 20 a few weeks ago" -David Coleman.
14. "Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker. Now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand" - Snooker commentator 'Whispering' Ted Lowe
15. "Hamburg are the European champions!" - ITV footballer commentator Brian Moore immediately after the final whistle of the 1980 European Cup final.. Nottingham Forest had just won 1-0.
16. "I'm not going to pick out anyone in particular, but Jay Jay Okocha should not be captain of a football club" - Rodney Marsh.
17. "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father" - gymnastics gold medallist Paul Hamm.
18. "I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat" -Ron Atkinson.
posted on 6/10/11
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." Joe Theismann, former quarterback
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." Bill Peterson, Florida State football coach
"Better make it six, I can't eat eight." Dan Osinski, Baseball pitcher, when a waitress asked if he wanted his pizza cut into six or eight slices
"In a sense it's a one-man show... except there are two men involved, Hartson and Berkovic, and a third man, the goalkeeper." John Motson, BBC1
"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." Alan Minter, Boxer
posted on 6/10/11
"Watch the time -it gives you an indication of how fast they are running." Ron Pickering
"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" Ian St John
"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" Brian Moore
"That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it." Kevin Keegan, ex-England manager and player
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?" Stuart Hall, interviewing Jack Charlton, Radio 5 Live
"Certain people are for me and certain people are pro me." Terry Venables, ex-England manager
"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." David Beckham
"I was watching the Blackburn game on TV on Sunday when it flashed on the screen that George (Ndah) had scored in the first minute at Birmingham. My first reaction was to ring him up. Then I remembered he was out there playing." Ade Akinbiyi
"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." Mark Draper
"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." Barry Venison, ITV
"Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match." Ian Wright, ITV
"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game." Kevin Keegan
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..." Andy Gray, Sky Sports
"What disappointed me was that we didn't play with any passion. I'm not disappointed, you know, I'm just disappointed." Kevin Keegan
"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." David Acfield
"If you were in the Brondby dressing room right now, which of the Liverpool players would you be looking at?" Ray Stubbs
"You sometimes open your mouth and it punches you straight between the eyes..." Paddy Crerand
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head..." Derek Johnstone
"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league." Mark Viduka
"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." Neville Southall
"Alex Ferguson is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." David Beckham
"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." Paul Gascoigne
"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." Alan Shearer
"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." Ugo Ehiogu
"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." Ian Rush
posted on 6/10/11
"If Glenn Hoddle said one word to his team at half-time, it was concentration and focus."
Ron Atkinson
"The important thing is that he shook hands with us over the phone."
Alan Ball
"The substitute is about to come on - he's a player who was left out of the starting line-up today."
Kevin Keegan
"A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off."
Kevin Keegan
"After playing Cameroon in the 1990 world cup finals: "We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought"
(Bobby Robson)
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised"
(Ian McNail)
"There's going to be a real ding-dong when the bell goes."
(David Coleman)
"There is Brendan Foster, by himself, with 20,000 people"
(David Coleman)
"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical"
(Murray Walker)
"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel"
(Stuart Pearce)
"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father"
(Greg Norman)
"Playing with wingers is more effective against European sides like Brazil than English sides like Wales"
(Ron Greenwood)
"A brain Scan revealed that Andrew Caddick is not suffering from stress fracture of the shin"
(Jo Sheldon)
The French are not normally a Nordic Skiing Nation"
(Ron Pickering)
That's inches away from being millimetre perfect"
(Ted Lowe)
"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact I'm right behind him"
(Stuart Pearson)
"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right"
(Marlon Starling)
"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again"
(Terry Venables)
"I can't tell who's leading - It's either Oxford or Cambridge"
(John Snagge - Boat Race)
"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests - absolutely round."
(Tony Crozier)
posted on 18/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 22/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 22/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 24/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 24/10/11
I tried to change my password to man-u-defence but it's telling me error "too weak"
posted on 25/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 30/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 30/10/11
Comment deleted by Article Creator
posted on 2/11/11
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Ecky-Thump
Page 1 of 8
6 | 7 | 8