Friday afternoon

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I converted to Islam and i'm stoning the cheating slag first thing in the morning.


Er it's only extremists that stone, my family have never ever done that. I feel offended Paul.

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Actually I dont think he was joking.

i had the snip last week, i've just got the missus pregnant again. so you could say it didn't make a vas deferens...

Husband comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to his Bedroom. From under the blanket he sees four legs instead of two...
He reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as he can.
Once he's done, he goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As he enters, he sees his wife there, reading a magazine.
"Hi Darling", she says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Have u said Hello yet!??

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There were three guys in a forest.
Then they were being attacked by cannibals.
The cannibals said that they wouldn't eat them if they bring back 10 of the same fruit.
So the three guys go into the forest to get the fruit.
The first guy comes back with 10 apples.
Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your a$$ without changing the expression on your face."
So the guy shoves the first apple up his a$$ and then whinces. So the cannibals eat him.
Then the second guy comes back with 10 berries.
Then the cannibals say, "Now the second thing you have to do is shove them up your a$$ without changing the expression on your face."
So the guy shoves 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8... then starts to laugh. So the cannibals eat him.
Then in heaven, the first guy says to the second guy, "Why did you laugh?! You almost had it!" Then the second guy says, "I saw the other guy coming with pineapples!"
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^ Stole that - but pretty funny

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your mother is so fat she sat on the iphone and invented the ipad