Classics Revisited- Footbal Laws of Physics

From a legend's classic post on 606:

Schrödinger's Kuyt.

His career is both dead and alive at the same time. He can simultaneously be in every position on the field at the same time. Is he a winger or a striker? Nay, he is both at the same time.


Rooney's theory of Relativity.

Relatives are good- especially older ones.


Fourth Law of Thermodynamics
Mass and energy can not be created or destroyed, except by Skrtel who can destroy anything he wants.


Ronaldo's law of gravity

What stands up, must fall down.


Lucas's modified event horizon (previously mascherano's)

The event horizon is an invisible line surrounding Lucas. There is an irreversible point where if you get within a certain radius of Lucas the ball will be taken from you and you won't be able to get it back.


Arsene Wenger's theory of dark matter and dark energy

85% of the known game is unviewable or unseeable. We know this because fouls occur that we are unable to observe.


Manchester Unified string theory

All laws of nature and penalties are control by a single formula based upon referee's being puppets controlled by
strings.


Joey Barton theory of evolution

Man evolved from wild animals. Some are simply less evolved than others.


Fergusson's uncertainty principle

Whenever United lose a game there is always a certain uncertainty about the referee- especially if it gives his
rivals momentum.


Kepler's laws of Anelka's motion

Anelka moves in an eliptical orbit around the Premiership continually moving from one club to another and one end
of the league to the other.


Heisenberg's Uncertancy Principle. (credit to Red Privateer)

The values of certain conjugate variables,(e.g. Skrtel and Agger) cannot both be known with arbitrary precision. That is, the more precisely you know about Skrtel, the less precisely you know about Agger.


and a few new original contributions:

Suarez Quantum Tunnelling

the quantum mechanical phenomenon where a particle (i.e., Luiz Suarez) tunnels through a barrier that it classically could not surmount (e.g., Man United's defence)


606 Probability Density Function

the probablity density of a continuous random wum is a function that describes the relative likelihood for this random wum to occur at a given point, described by the equation f(x)=d/dx F(x).

For example F(x) equals the probablity of Dyspeller of Myths to post on the Liverpool board - which is a known constant of value 99.9999% (aka .9999999) and d/dx = ∞

So f(x) = .9999999(∞)

(in english, this states that the relative liklihood for Dyspeller of Myths to post on the Liverpool board is a value approaching ∞)