Dave Pundit

Hi, I'm Dave Doctor. I'm Dave Pundit's doctor. And yes that does make me Dr Doctor. And yes I've heard all the jokes. In fact it's got to the point that when someone says something along the lines of Doctor, Doctor I feel like a pair of curtains I commit them to an asylum due to the fact that they've just admitted they're delusional.

Anyway I'm afraid I have a bit of bad news regarding my patient Dave Pundit. After a successful operation to remove his displaced gonad from his head and then an a slighty less successful one replacing it after he complained we were hopeful that Dave would make a full recovery. Unfortunately the news last week that Roy Hodgson has been made England manager was too much for Dave to take and he has slipped into a coma. His final words before slipping into unconsciousness were: Not another bloody foreigner.

We have tried many methods to revive him, some less conventional than others. His brother brought in a tape of his favourite sounds; the sound of the Mersey lapping against the shore, a collection of John Terry interviews and the sound of a Frenchman's fibula snapping.

Sadly, nothing has worked so far. So it was suggested that I made a plea to his internet followers to pray for Pundit. I, however, do not believe in prayer, I am a man of science and I can assure you that the only way we can help Dave is through sound medical practice. That or we sacrifice a goat to the Sun God Ra.

#sacrificeagoatforpundit