Dingles 2.0

'dring dring, dring dring, dring dring'

M: ello, ooos that?
P: It's Peter Pannu here
M: Am not buyin any more t'magic kitchen cloths off yas so sod off!
P: No, I'm not selling anything (ahem), it's Peter Pannu from Birmingham City Football Club
M: Ohhhhhhh, ya awright?
P: Well, I'm ok, but we have a small problem over here
M: Aye, ya clubs rubbish lad (chuckles)
P: Well, I agree but don't tell anyone else
M: So what canna do for ya Peter?
P: Chris Hughton has got to do an urgent spell of tractor work on his carrots in Norwich for quite a while
M: Nothing should come between a man and his carrots! Not even a football club lad. Good on im!
P: Erm................you're not wrong, so would you be interested in managing our team for a while?
M: Eeeee! Yav med me spill me coffee down me kecks now.
P: You can have a 3 year contract if you want and money's no problem (cough, spit, splutter)
M: Alreet soft lad, I'll do it, but this is charity work mind
P: Oh thankyou Mad Mick - I mean Mick, we will be forever grateful, you are a gentleman indeed
M: o-kay, o-kay, go easy on the snivelling ya daftie. Now then, I want complete control of all football matters.
P: No problem
M: And am not avin any of that hoofball stuff, you know me Peter, I like to play it on t'floor
P: Of course
M: And I'll need buy some of them League 1 players just in case
P: In case of what
M: We'll discuss that in a years time lad
P: Ok (?) Mick.................
M: Grand. Yav got yaselves the best manager in the Premiership
P: Eh?
M: Where can we find you like?
P: You've been here lots of times Mick
M: Aye, but that twere our coach driver tweren't it?
P: We're in Small Heath
M: Where's that lad?
P: It's near Aston Villa
M: Oh, rart! near Birmingham's big club?
P: Ahem, yes
M: Is that there Small Heath on t'funny little telly thing in t'car?
P: What, you mean Sat Nav?
M: Aye, suppose so
P: Yes
M: Righty right, I'll phone t'misses and ask her to drop by
P: You're not coming over to sign the contact yourself?
M: No, no, av got to tend t' me onions in garden
P: Can she sign for you legally?
M: Aye, she does all me ritin like, she even signs me players
P: Oh, erm...................................................................................