Samir Signs

*Samir is in Malaysia signing shirts and various Arsenal memorabilia.*

Samir: Next.

*A small boy with his father steps forward with his Arsenal top.*

Samir: You want me to sign it?

Small boy: Yes! Oh Nasri I is your biggest fan! I love the way you-

*Samir scribbles on the shirt and throws it in the boy's face.*

Samir: NEXT!

*The father is not pleased.*

Father: We have been queueing for hours Mr Nasri! The least you could do is show appreciation towards your fans!

Samir: Whatever! Move along now. I need to get this all done so I can go back to my room alone.

Father: In my whole life I have never been so insult-

*Samir snatches back the signed poster and stuffs it in his mouth, he eats it.*

Samir: There. If you don't want it then go away.

*The small boy starts to cry. The father wipes away a tear of his own and lifts up his son and takes him away.*

Samir: Christ! Don't they realise who I am? How dare he speak to me like that. Anyway, NEXT!

*A tall boy dressed in shorts, a cap and a Spongebob Square Pants t-shirt comes forward.*

Samir: Hello young man. Do you have something for me to sign?

Tall boy: Yes. Please sign my Arsenal poster.

*Samir scribbles on it. The boy smiles.*

Samir: OK, NEXT!

Tall boy: No, wait, I have one more thing here.

*The boy pulls out a piece of paper with lots of writing.*

Samir: What is this?

Tall boy: This is just another poster type thing. Please sign the bottom.

*Samir looks over it.*

Samir: This looks like some sort of contract!

*The tall boy starts to sweat.*

Tall boy: No, no! It's a poster! Sign it!

*Samir pulls off the man's cap.*

Samir: Arsene?

Arsene: Arsene? I am not Arsene, who is this Arsene? Please sign the contr- I mean the poster.

*Samir rips up the contract.*

Samir: I will never sign a new contract! Now go away!

*Arsene frowns and moves away.*

Samir: FURTHER!!!

*Arsene moves towards the door.*

Samir: OUT THE DOOR!!

*Arsene moves out the room and stares back.*

Samir: NOW CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!

*Arsene closes the door.*

Samir: YOU'RE STILL THERE AREN'T YOU!

Arsene *muffled*: No.

*Samir signs.*

Samir: OK, let's finish this quickly. NEXT!

*A small boy comes forward, he's holding a crayon drawing of some Arsenal players.*

Boy: Hello Samir! Please sign my picture!

Samir: Theo? Why are you here?

Theo: I drew a picture of you, Cesc and me! I want you to sign it please! It will mean the world to me! People are saying bad things about you, but I know you care about all of us deep down. Deep down in that warm good heart of yours. You do still love us don't you Samir? Deep down?

*Samir rips up the drawing. Theo squeals.*

Theo: EEEEK!

Samir: I WILL SIGN NOTHING GIVEN TO ME BY ANYONE RELATED TO ARSENAL!!!!

*Theo starts to cry.*

Samir: Man up Theo! Just go away!

*Theo scuttles away. Samir stands up and talks to the crowd.*

Samir: Is there anyone else here from Arsenal looking for me to sign anything? If so then you can leave now!

*The queue breaks up and they all leave.*

Samir: Finally! I can go back to my room now and sulk.

*The door opens and Arsene's pops his head into the room.*

Arsene: Samir, I thought you may like a cup of tea.

*Arsene cautiously moves towards an angry faced Samir. He places the cup down.*

Arsene: I know you like tea.

*Arsene smiles. Samir takes a sip. He looks up at Arsene.*

Samir: Is there sugar?

Arsene: Yes. Two sugars!

*The cup starts to shake in Samir's hand. It breaks as Samir crushes it.*

Arsene: Oh God! You don't take sugar! I'm sorry! Samir please don't be upset with m-

*Samir throws the broken cup at Arsene.*

Samir: GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!!!!!