Luka Modric sold to Chelsea for 40m

From the Daily Mail :

Sources inside Tottenham Hotspur confirm that terms have been
agreed for the sale of Luka Modric. The move to Chelsea Athletic
(known locally as the "Pensioners" ) came as a surprise to many -
but the Daily Mail can exclusively reveal that the deal has been
many weeks in the planning.

The Pensioners, languishing in obscurity for some time now, have had a turn of fortune with the financial windfall coming from commercial property development of land adjacent to their stadium (known locally as the "Barracks") . And now they intend to rebuild their proud football heritage with a vengeance.

Manager Sid "Chirpy" Trilby said : "We are delighted to have a player of Modrics' class coming to us. I cannot think of a better player in the world to be stepping out onto the pitch wearing the scarlet and gold" .

Spurs chairman, Daniel Levy, issued the following statement :

"Naturally we are sad to have Modric leave Spurs, but console ourselves that he is going to a club with the proud tradition, integrity, honesty and virtues found in the Chelsea Pensioners. We wish him every future success" .

Meanwhile the Daily Mail can reveal, that the Fulham club owned by dubious Russian oligarch, Roman Abramovitch, known as "Chelsea FC" , had plans to attempt to acquire Modric. Insiders at the FC have claimed Abramovitch is furious at the turn of events, and is now attempting to turn the head of one of the Pensioners' stalwart players.

Tommy "Patch" Cockles, 110, is a well respected and proven utility player. Although questions persist about his future in the game due to crippling knee and eye injuries sustained during the game at Ypres, he is seen by many inside Chelsea FC as a more mobile alternative than John Terry, and with more of an eye for goal than Fernando Torres.