CommentatorBalls

Ron Atkinson:

I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.

My favourites are from a lad we have here in Ireland Eamonn Dunphy he says it as he sees it

Christiano Ronaldo
“A puffball.” “Will never be a player as long as he has a hole in his ass.”

“I couldn’t have been more wrong about Cristiano Ronaldo. “In the history of the game, I can’t remember another winger who has been so prolific in front of goal.”

“What they saw tonight was an impersonator, a clown,a self-indulgent idiot really, doing crazy things. He’s a petulant brat Bill, poncing around all night.”

“We have to reassess Ronaldo’s reputation. Increasingly, he looks like the real deal.”

“Ronaldo is a disgrace… a disgrace to professional football… this fella is a cod.”

Rio Ferdinand

“A bad character, mentally slow” “A tramp”

” Ferdinand is a clown. He was a liability for the first goal and he is always a liability. It was Jan Vennegoor of
Hesselink against Rio Ferdinand of Barclays Bank.”

Liam Brady

“He is often looked on as a great player. He is nothing of the kind. His performance on Wednesday was a disgrace, a monument to conceit adorned with vanity and self-indulgence, rendered all the more objectional by the swagger of his gait.”

“You jumped the fence, baby.”

Giovanni Trapattoni

“A drunken gambler in the casino throwing chips on the table.”
“Taking off Kevin Doyle was lunatic asylum stuff.”

Niall Quinn

“Niall Quinn is a creep. The man’s an idiot, a Mother Theresa.”

Kevin Kilbane

“Kilbane’s head is better than his feet. If only he had three heads, one on the end of each leg.”

John Hartson

“That is not the ass of a seven million pound player.”

Harry Kewell

“Kewell should have been yanked off the pitch at half time and put in a hot bath, a boiling hot bath.”

“He’s fat and a clown, Bill, a fat clown for all to see.”

Luis Garcia“They should put Garcia where he belongs, in the dustbin.”

Djibril Cisse

“Here we have Cisse, right wing, attempts to put in a cross. Bang, he hits the full back. Bang, he hits the full back again. Bang, off the full back again. And once more, bang, smacks the full back again. Millions of euro and he can’t clear the first man. I mean, what’s he trying to do to the full back here? Kill him?”

Steven Gerrard

“Found out. A nothing player.”

Mick McCarthy

“A congenital loser.”

“He’s one of the biggest whingers in world football… he’s a bloody eejit.”

Steve Staunton

“Would you let him drive the train to Cork?”

Terry Venables

“This man’s CV is riddled with failure and worse than failure.”

Bayern Munich

“Well, I don’t like to make outlandish statements. Not all the time. But Wimbledon would have beaten them 10-0.”

Match of the Day

“They just talk drivel. Whoever is winning is great, whoever isn’t, isn’t. It’s banal. And also semi-literate at times … they never criticise in an intelligent way. Anything that isn’t banal is said to be an outburst. They’ve created this cartoon world where everyone talks like Lineker and says nothing.”

“You have to wonder about these clowns.”

Liverpool 4 Chelsea 4

“It was like two drunks in a back alley throwing punches at each other.”

Bill O’Herlihy

“You are Alf, Bill.”

Jose Mourinho

“We’ll all see through Mourinho. We’ll find out he’s just a bengal lancer.”

“Mourinho, he’s poisonous”

Rod Liddle

“He’s the guy who ran away and left his wife for a young one”.

Michel Platini

“Not a great player.”

Maradona

“Not a great player.”

Zinedine Zidane

“Not a great player.”

Djibril Cisse

“Here we have Cisse, right wing, attempts to put in a cross. Bang, he hits the full back. Bang, he hits the full back again. Bang, off the full back again. And once more, bang, smacks the full back again. Millions of euro and he can’t clear the first man. I mean, what’s he trying to do to the full back here? Kill him?”
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class

Messiah he should be on talkshite

Ted Lowe:

"and for those of you who are watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green."

Chicken, the other famous one I remember was about a runner - can't think who, but as he neared the home straight the commentator says:

"there he goes, opens his legs and shows his class"

Hazard

there was a similar one for a jockey, think it was McCoy

he looked back between his legs and liked what he saw or something similar

TRFC, also the cricket special:
"The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willy!"
Cue lots of laughs in commentary box!

messiah you have to laugh at dunphy though
i remember hearing ted walsh being interviewed about his son riding a horse in some race and walsh turned around and said i remember when i rode her mother walsh was a jockey in his younger days i think it was pickett that was interviewing him ?

David Beckham-
''I definitely want Brooklyn to be Christened, I'm just not sure into what religion yet.''

''My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven.''

Alan Shearer-
''One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always tried my best.''

''I absolutely love Newcastle. I want to be here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.''

Stan Collymore-
''Yes, I did fax a transfer request to the club earlier this week, but let me make it clear that I do not want to leave Leicester.''