Phil's Festive Thoughts!

Bah bloomin' humbug. Those who know football will tell you that we just don't lose to bottom of the table sides. I try and put this to the top brass at the FA to get a replay or something but they're not in. I try and leave a message but the woman on reception say's they've moved and haven't left a forwarding address. There seemed to be an awful lot of background whispering - I put this down to the time of the year and forget about it.

I call Dougo in for his special punishment and he walks in complete with his own leather mask. "Bloomin heck Dougo, I'm not going THAT far!" I say. I'm beginning to think he may enjoy my no win punishments so I call them off for the foreseeable. Dougo is naturally disappointed.

Being Christmas and all that I ring Whealo to offer him the best of the season and to ask him if he'd received the hamper of pies I'd sent as a goodwill gift. I don't understand his response as he's currently munching his way through the 34th pie which is very odd as I'd only sent 20. Whilst I'm in the phoning mood I ring Big Sam but he's busy explaining that Santa ain't coming to all the naughty kids and Carlton Cole. Naturally Carlton will need a lot of consoling so he'll be a while so I leave it.

Doris comes in with a massive urn of festive herbal. Her own brand of tea made at home. She warns me that it may still have large bits of holly in as they only had the plastic ones to hand and they didn't quite melt right. As well as the tea she's brought home made biscuits. Some made by her kids. "Aww bless em" I say as I spot possibly the worst decorated biscuit I've ever seen, "How old are they now Doris?" "28 this birthday Phil!" she replies.

I get a phone call from FC Hggnffghgh from Finland ref my enquiry about their massive centre back Jarni Stopperlainenenenen. Apparently he's just gone on a massive steroid rampage in the gym and he's now available for £3 some sat sumas and an Old sock. They ask if I'm put off by his rather odd reaction to his towel being 3cm out of place and I reply that it's just what we need and will they supply the muzzle still.

So first deal done. They'll also supply me his minder. I'll put feelers out when he arrives and I may get 2 players for the price of 1. That's the sort of business deal that won me North West business deal of the year 1978.