The Apprentice

An un-named journalist apparently hacked into Alistairs phone yesterday and heard the following conversation;

“Hello your Lordship-to-be, it’s Alistair here"
“What?"
“Hi Walter, it’s Ally"
“Ally who?"
“McCoist, A’ve got my team picked for the Malmo game and A thought A’d run it by ye"
“Why? You’re on your own now son. I’ve taught you all I know, now it’s up to you"
“Well A was thinkin o playin a more attackin format than usual, seein as were at hame and aw that. A 3-5-2 formation"
“Are ye kiddin?"
“No Walter, A wannae be known as an attackin manager, whose teams play with flair and panache, jist like the bhoys across the city"
“Well the personnel is more important than the formation, who’s playin"
“The back three is Sasa, Auld Davy, and Boogie. A’ve got elbows and Mo in front o them for a bit of protection. That means A can play 2 wingers, young Wylde on the left and the new guy, “Orville" or whatever his name is on the right. A’ll get them pingin in crosses aw night to Nicky and Naisy, supported through the middle by Davo. Should be a barrowload o chances and a guid few goals"
“Ye are kiddin, no? 2 wingers, seriously?"
“No Walter, A think it’s the way forward"
“Have ye learned nothing during your apprenticeship? Ye need at least 4 centre halves, preferably 5, and 2 full backs, two holding midfield players and somebody up front for the long ball. I’ve had a look at the squad Ally, you’re no asking that lot to play football are ye?"
“Well……er……I thought….."
“Two full backs!"
“Ok Walter, I’ll play Wallace and Whits instead o the wingers"
“Yer still at least 1 centre half short, what about egg-face? Think about it Ally or you’ll end up wi the egg on yer face"
“Naw Walter, A want to stamp ma ain authority on the team and move away frae the park the bus days"
“Oh well on your head be it. Guid luck, yer gonna need it. I’ll need to go now that’s the meals on wheels man wi ma denner"

Click

The rest is history