A day in the life of Fawaz

7am - wakes up

7.15am - goes downstairs in his Thomas the tank engine pyjamas and has some weetabix. Adds sugar as he feels this day is going to be a good one.

7.20am - goes upstairs to shower covered in milk and weetabix having been scolded by his wife for ruining his Christmas present from Mark Arthur.

8am - showered and dressed he starts his commute to the world famous City Ground.

8.30am - turns up at Meadow Lane. Escorted out.

9am - in the office. Tries to chat up Julie his receptionist. Rejected. Swallows sadness.

9.15am - watches recorded episodes of Countryfile with Lee Camp. Lee Camp later hands in transfer request. Fawaz is sad.

9.30am - sits in his grand office ruminating and staring into the middle distance

10am - still ruminating

10.15am - Omar rings and tells Fawaz he has a meeting with the bank. Panic ensues. Fawaz has a frube and some um-bongo to calm himself down.

10.20am - he compiles a report. Confident in the knowledge that the finances are fine and Forest are heading in the right direction.

11.30am - Forest are not heading in the right direction. Whilst reading the paper on the bus he realised he was holding it upside down. Forest were still mid table. The bank also said he'd only be able to bring in loans. Fawaz calms down. He likes loans.

12pm - Fawaz feeds his fish and opens the cage under his desk, throwing the left overs of his boots meal deal to Sean O'Driscoll who is still in trouble for only beating Leeds by two goals

12.30pm - Alex McLeish comes round and they play some mariokart on the n64. Fawaz wins 6 races to 4.

1pm - Fawaz meets the players of the Nottinghamshire Forests. He is concerned that a thug has waddled into the training academy. He is calmed down by Guy Moussi that it is just Lewis McGugan, back from the hairdressers. Fawaz laughs to himself.

1.30pm - game time. He gets the train to watch the mighty reds.

3pm - turns up at Anfield. Wrong 'Reds'.

5pm - back at The City Ground to catch the end of the match. He is sad to hear that Colin Fray had to be taken to hospital as he had hurt his neck commenting on the match.

5.15pm - Forest lost. We need players. Rings the finance department.

5.30pm - Forest need loans.

6pm - drives to Pride Park

6.30pm - plays Nigel Clough and Andrew Appleby at ping pong in their new gym as they are offering free season tickets with £15 gym memberships. Fawaz loses 2-1. He was a man down and he firmly states no one wins they are a man down. Guess he will have to get the jäger bombs in.

7pm - Fawaz trains it back to The City Ground for a press conference. This is his time to shine. A chance to reassure the people of Nottingham that the club is going places. He sinks two shots of Sambuca and knocks them dead.

8pm - he comes home and has his favourite dinner. Spaghetti hoops. He likes to try and spell NFFC and EUROPEAN CHAMPIONS.

8.30pm - watches eastenders with Adlene Guedioura and Simon Gillett who are over for a slumber party. They got permission.

9pm - he looks at himself in the mirror and tells himself he is fantastic. He brushes his teeth 124 times, dons his forest pyjamas (£22 from the megastore) and goes to bed

9.30pm - has to get milk for Adlene

11pm - woken up by Mark Arthur in his back garden asking if he wants to play swingball. He does not.

11.15pm - the owner of Nottingham Forest Football Club goes to sleep after a long, hard day.