Brrrrrrr!

I will warm you up, big boy...

Not as cold as it is where I work.

Behind the coldest football ground in England - Oh and no heating outside of my office which is still cold because the windows leak.

Going to be seriously cold in Sunderland tonight (as long as game is on).

I hope it is, because we need our better players to get another chance to show DF that they should be playing against Palace!!!!!

It was so cold walking the dog on the golf course near me on Saturday night that my face froze.

So I got up on Sunday and went to the Army & Navy and bought one of those black ski masks with the eye and mouth holes.

You know the ones. I think that Barry Whotsit fella they fitted up for Jill Dando had one.

Anyway.....it does the job great.

Apparently though, you're supposed to take them off when you walk in the garage to pay for your diesel.

How was I to know?

Anyroad, given a fair wind and a lenient judge, I should be fine.

I once tried on one of those ski masks, (it belonged to a French exchange student but that's not important), at a petrol station. The looks I got. Honestly!

Ere Tony did the petrol station staff end up trying to give you too much change for your diesel? Like giving you back 50 thousand pounds when you only gave them twenty quid. Of course being British we're always too proud to mention their mistake.

TCT, For goodness sake don't go into a bank with that on. Alarms will be pressed before you get through the door.

ZK50,

Apologies for the delay in replying but they don't appear to have Wi-Fi in the holding cells at Astley Bridge Plod Shop, so I only got "re-connected" when Mrs C finally agreed to stump up the bail money. (Long story, not impressed with her behaviour, will be having stern words about her conduct tonight when she gets home from work.)

Anyway, you called it almost perfectly.

Apart from the fact that the little asian bloke behind the glass wouldn't even take my twenty quid off me.

He just screamed "You take whatever ! I got wife and kids ! Don't shoot ! You got Shell loyalty card?"

Then he threw some chocolate bars at me and disappeared under the counter.

Next thing I know, I've been tazered up the bum and I'm being "helped" into the back of a riot van by several burly bobbies.

It's all a bit of a blur after that......

Anyroad, apart from some light singeing round the mouth hole where I dribbled a bit when they zapped me, the mask's fine.