Friday humour,

"Made me laugh"

A man walks into a pub with his pet monkey and orders a pint.

While he’s drinking, the monkey jumps all around the pub. The monkey grabs some peanuts off of the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced lemons and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the balls, sticks it into his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, somehow swallows it whole!

The barman screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"
The guy says, "No, What?"
"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table.....WHOLE!"

"Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, " replied the man, "He eats everything in sight. The little b*sta*d. Sorry, I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, and then leaves.

Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a pint and the monkey starts running around the pub again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a cherry on the bar, grabs it, sticks it up it’s ar5e, pulls it out, and then eats it. The barman is disgusted.

"Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.
"No, What?" replies the man.
"Well, he stuck a cherry up his ar5e, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the barman.

"Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, " replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he swallowed that cue ball, he measures everything first!!"