My neighbour, the Arsenal fan...

Dan is a gooner. We sort of get along, but behind my thin smile lies the natural loathing we all feel for these ridiculous caaants.

His Mrs would get it though. She's got a cracking pair of throopennies and at parties she often has a grab of me chap.

Anyway, last few days, every time another of our ridiculously brilliant new signings is announced, I can hear him yelling at the TV and doing his nut. The fact is, the mugs are genuinely terrified, he's living proof.

His yelling and bawling will come in handy...I'll think about that when I'm banging her up the jacks one day, just to hold myself back a bit.

COYS!