Accountant Jokes

Here are some Accountant jokes to lighten the mood for the faithful

Three candidates are short listed for the accountant's job. They're all equally excellent, experienced and personable, etc.
So the chairman asks each the simple question "what is two and two?"

The first replies " Four"

The second replies " Statistically anything between 3.999 and 4.0111"

The third replies " Well what do you want it to be ?"

Q. What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
A. Depreciation.

Q. Why did the auditor cross the road?
A. Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

A fellow has been learning to be a balloonist and takes his first solo flight. Unfortunately the wind gets up, he is blown off course and is forced to land. He is in a paddock close to a road but has no idea where he is. He sees a car coming along the road and hails it.

The driver gets out and the balloonist says, "G'day mate, can you tell me where I am?"

"Yes, of course", says the motorist. "You have just landed in your balloon and with this wind you have obviously been blown off course. You are in the top paddock on John Dawson's farm, 13.5 kilometres from Condobolin. John will be ploughing the paddock next week and sowing wheat. There is a bull in the paddock. It is behind you and about to attack you."

At that moment the bull reaches the balloonist and tosses him over the fence. Luckily he is unhurt. He gets up, dusts himself off and says to the motorist, "I see you're an accountant".

"Good Grief", says the other man, "you're right. How did you know that?"

"I employ accountants", says the balloonist. "The information you gave me was detailed, precise and accurate. Most of it was useless and it arrived far too late to be of any help."

Boom Boom