Handy Guide to: AFC Bournemouth

As I wandered the lonely supernets highways looking for investment opportunities for a new sports drink venture I’m thinking of starting for some reason, I was staggered to find that The Mighty Rams Footballing Superstars Roadshow of Skills and Panache ™© is due to arrive in the sleepy seaside hamlet of Bournemouth this coming weekend.

Suitably impressed that Derby County have adopted Sepp and Michel’s plans to take the beautiful game to all outposts of civilisation, I have trawled the superwebway to discover what I could of this footballing minnow and share the results below such that you may delight and educate your friends down at the pub.

Here we are then:

AFC Bournemouth is a dirty lie. They are actually registered as Bournemouth and Boscombe Athletic Football Club (1998) since their insolvency of that time. You’ll not be surprised to find Harry Redknapp listed as a former employee of the club but it probably can’t be proven that he had anything to do with any financial irregularities, and nor did Rosie.

They are also known as ‘The Cherries’. This is thought to relate to the fruit of the orchards that used to be adjacent to their ground rather than because they’re difficult to get anything out of.

The venue for this week’s lesson in silky footballing prowess is Dean Court, a 12,000 seater stadium completely remodelled in 2001, 91 years after the land was first granted to the club by then-chairman JE Cooper-Dean.

Bournemouth are enjoying only their fifth ever season in the Championship having gained promotion 2 years ago after formerly enjoying a 3 year stint at this level under ‘Arry from 1987.

Their present manager, Eddie Howe, was the youngest ever league manager at 31 when first appointed on New Years Eve, 2008. A successful spell of stabilising the club in Division 4 despite a 17pt deduction for insolvency was followed by promotion the following season. After rebuffing numerous suitors impressed by Howe’s record, he eventually replaced Owen Coyle at Burnley in January 2011, only to return 18 months later for ‘personal reasons’, presumably something to do with missing mommy.

The present chairman of AFC Bournemouth is Jeff Mostyn, although it’s widely believed that this particular Mostyn actually understands something of the game so is not to be confused with the GSE apologist that pollutes this and other DCFC forums with his incessant jibber-jabber.

The scorer of the football league’s fastest-ever hattrick (2 mins 17 seconds) was James “People Gonna Be" Hayter when, after coming on as a late substitute to run down the clock and protect their 3-0 lead against Wrexham, Hayter bagged his trick from the 86th minute to turn a mullering into a battering.

Current Cherries you may have heard of include Rams legend Miles Addison, the forever-Dirty Ian Harte and pigeon-chested Daddy’s Boy Lee Camp. Captain Tommy Elphick is currently warming the bench, so that’s a bit of a Boon for us. One to watch for the future is a lad making the step up from junior football, Harry Cornick.

Shady co-owner of Bournemouth is Russian Petrochemicals ‘trader’ Max Demin, which sound like something Dukes of Hazzard would wear. Not a great deal is known about Demin, other than he lives in a mansion in Sandbanks, Dorset, just like ‘Arry... must be a stand-up guy then, hey?

The famous fans of the club that tinterwebs has heard of are Stu ‘Crush a Grape’ Francis, of Crackerjack fame, and of course Matt Tong of indie outfit Bloc Party. Wowsers.

They're one of only three sides who have conceded more often than us this season but their tally of 30 in 15 does include two away drubbings doled out out by Watford (6-1) and Huddersfield (5-1) Watford. They've conceded 10 in 7 home fixtures but some of their results are commendable; a decent test for us on the road awaits!

That's all tinterwebs has on Saturday's little-known opponents; please feel free to add any further snippets of factual facts below.