Re -enactment gone wrong

If I'd done that I would have got the crap beaten out of me by my dad, but he was an evil bully.

Not footy related but when I was about 10 me and my brother were playing cricket in our cramped bedroom, I jumped up to catch the ball and when I landed I whacked my eye on the metal post of my bed So painful and I had a huge black eye afterwards

Working in a big house once, the owners had a stone fireplace with the fire in the lounge, set back inside a surround which was about the size of the tall 5-a-side goalposts you see about....

On my way back to the van to get something, I had to cut through the enormous lounge and I noticed in my path what looked like a red ping-pong ball.

"Sweet", thinks I. "I can curl that beggar into the top corner, no problem"

I set myself, then BOOM, I connect with the sweet spot. Of what turned out to be a squash ball. And I over cooked the shot massively....

I could only watch in horror as the ball clipped the top of the "crossbar" and passed straight through and expensive looking vase, showering tiny shards of china all over their beautiful Axminster

The owners were terribly nice about, not that I owned up exactly how it had happened

I live in a big house and a while back I had a big vase on my mantle piece that someone broke. I never believed the crap excuse they gave, but made a fortune on the insurance claim

Just a shame the work they did was crap.