@@@Jay Spearing - Suarez Not So Bad@@@

Former Liverpool midfielder Jay Spearing has condemned the British media for their treatment of Luis Suarez following his bite on Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini. Spearing, who now plays for Bolton, feels that the Uruguayan striker’s behaviour was unacceptable but believes that Suarez deserves credit for biting above sea level.

Spearing himself was on the receiving end of a biting incident at Liverpool and although he remains quiet on who committed the offence he is keen to point out that Chiellini could have suffered a far worse fate had Suarez not stuck to the biting code.

“I lost a nut. It was over something silly but I paid the ultimate price. We got involved in a tangle in training, I had hold of his ponytail and the next thing I realise is that he’s taken a chunk out of my kiwi. The impact literally blew my bóllock off. I can stand here and tell you that this lumbering twát should’ve followed the biting code but where does that get me? I’m one bóllock down."

Spearing has since joined forces with Phil Babb, a fellow uni-ball, to create the “Uni-Ballsity" which has united other players with one ball or less, drawing support from Unicef for their work. However, while this has provided a positive outcome Spearing admits that he still feels bitter about the incident.

“I remember the player who did this to me showed no remorse. He used to come up to me screaming in his Geordie accent with a snickers, taunting me. He’d say ‘here have a Snickers. Get a bóllock.’

I felt lonely because the whole squad joined in. For my birthday they got hold of me, gave me an ‘Italian milkshake’ and filled my underwear with cashew nuts. At Christmas I was bundled into the unisex toilet and given a ‘unibyte unicycle’. The whole squad were unified by this. They told me that I’d have to fúck off to the Unibond league. To this day I have to wear a special uniform to keep my one remaining nut in unison with my pole. I thought about joining a union until I met Phil and we created the “Uni-Ballsity". This has helped me in many ways but I still have an axe to grind with that fat Geordie unicorn."

Following this interview Jay Spearing has since set up the ‘No Ball Games Allowed’ academy following the severing of his one remaining nut.



Disclaimer: mans got this in the inbox so just poasting for the ja606 brehs.