I WOKE UP IN THE NIGHT,LAUGHING OUT LOUD.

...or the Billy Connolly gem......

'2 Glasgow fans find themselves in Rome trying to unsuccessfully to find a pint of heavy....one asks a local barman what the Pope drinks...." he's not adverse to a wee creme de menthe now and then" is the reply......
..."Ah well. just gie's a couple o' pints o' that then china!!" says the Weegie......

Priceless .

Any More?

True Story:

My uncle married a girl from Glasgow. My dad and my uncle would go and stay with her family, and also go and watch Rangers if they were at home.

The first time my dad went up, (mid 60's) there was an auld firm game on, and he got battered before the game with his brother's in laws.

After the game, still hammered, they all bundled on the bus home, and he got separated from them and ended up on the lower deck, with the rest up top.

When the conductor asked him where he was going, he didn't know, so said "I'm with the Scottish blokes upstairs, they'll tell you."

Apparently the conductor just laughed at him and let him ride for free.

Another Connolly special.....(short version).....

'After a more than usual bitter Old Firm game a demented group of fans were chasing one poor supporter of the 'other' team through the streets of Govan. With his pursuers hard on his heels baying for blood he ran down the ramp to the Govan ferry which was about 12 feet from the dock. With an almighty leap
he landed in a heap on the deck, picked himself up and started giving them the finger and all sorts of sectarian abuse. A deckhand walked up to him, shook his hand and said, "That was amazing pal, you could jump for Scotland with a leap like that....only thing is, the ferry's coming in, not leaving!!".