Mordecai to return at Hell in a Cell

....as foretold by ancient prophecy.

According to a prophecy foretold by a 16th century mystic, this weekend’s World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE) pay-per-view, Hell in a Cell, will see the long-awaited resurrection of deranged clergyman Mordecai.

The prophecy, written in a rhyming quatrain by seer Michel de Nostredame (or Nostrodamus), warns that Mordecai will return to sanctify and exorcise the roofed steel cage, which is often referred to as a “demonic structure" or the “devil’s playground."

The quatrain reads:

Entwined steel lowereth, ensnaring Beast and Deadman,

A walrus screams amid the violent bedlam,

Mordecai doth return, bearing seven thorns,

To save the holy buyrate, a legend is reborn.

Scholars who have studied the text believe that “Beast and Deadman" is a reference to Brock Lesnar and The Undertaker, though it could also refer to Charlotte and Ric Flair.

The reference to “bearing seven thorns" remains mysterious, though some scholars believe it refers to Mordecai’s identity in a past life.

If the prophecy comes to pass and Mordecai indeed returns at Hell in a Cell, some theologians believe it will mark the beginning of the “End of Days" foretold in a different Nostrodamus prophecy.

In that apocalyptic quatrain, Nostradamus predicts: “He who hath tripled the H will reign for all eternity, and his golden goose will forever kicketh out before three."

Kayfabe news.