Phil Gartside's super white army!!!

Right that's it. I've had just about enough of avoiding questions about what I may have said to Big Sam in the past after his book was published. I've even taken to opening up the bunker and hiding in there from all the phone calls.

Whilst I'm in there I have a word with Neil about the latest lack of funds due to an unexpected outgoing - after Don the catering assistant accidentally bought 30,000 Lamb chops from the discount butchering website we've got in. Until they are gone the team will be having 5 lamb chops as a pre-match dinner. I shouldn't think this will be so bad. I mean they are getting it for free. For now anyway.

Neil is understanding as we got the lad in from Man City on loan because Man City are paying - and quite rightly too after they owed us one for those job lot of dud table lamps they sold us.

I fight the urge to ring Big Sam after what he's written so instead I ring Sammy Lee after all he's the much better Sam. Sadly he is busy trying to get into a chair. I know he gets frustrated when climbing up to high places so I leave it. Ringing this new number has left me confused and upset so I get our surly refreshment operative, (as she insists in calling herself), to get me a nice cup of herbal tea and one of those biscuits with fruit in.

Disaster, the biscuit didn't have any fruit in at all only bits of Lamb Chop, I don't for the life of me know how that happened as they were bought in rather than made by the catering staff. The taste almost puts me off my fantastic money making scheme whereby we would've turned the remaining car parks into a holiday park over the off season. No facilities mind it'll be a proper rough it experience for proper hard nuts.

Dangerous Darren crashes through the door earlier this morning with the spoils of his weekly sofa collection where he travels around Bolton's skips looking for money in thrown out sofas. Happily he has managed to get £543.65. I don't ask questions I just call in Neil as that striker he's been after may have become available after all.