Should Wayne Rooney be Nationalised?

Good hi,

A hot topic just now is how we save one of Britain’s last remaining truly British commodities and whether or not the government should step in and lend a helping hand. Should the public really have to pay for something that is costing upwards of a million pounds a month to attempt to run, whilst providing very little return? I am talking of course about Wayne Rooney.

Many blame the downfall of Rooney on cheap foreign imports and believe it is just too late to save Rooney. Others believe that we should be doing all we can to save Wayne Rooney, no matter what the cost to the public, because well, it’s Wayne Rooney.
There are several extremely valid reasons for nationalising Wayne Rooney including saving thousands of British jobs, helping the ageing population, being a strong player in the Euro in/out debate and etc.

Foreign Imports

One of the most obvious reasons for the downfall of Rooney is the availability and low cost of foreign imports. When a team is looking to build something now, they don’t tend to use a British core or structure like they used to, they build their foundations with foreign imports with foreign managers. Are these foreigners really going to have Britain’s interest at heart? You can’t force a team like Man Utd, Chelsea, Man City etc to build a team with Wayne Rooney, but with subsidies, we can make it more attractive to do so, instead of importing foreigners.

The Threat of China

The rapid growth in the Chinese economy could well result in Britain losing Wayne Rooney altogether. They have proven that they have the ability to outbid UK companies like Chelsea in the past and the wages they pay are ridiculous. If we do not give British companies like Man Utd a helping hand in paying the wages of Rooney, even though he is costing them a millions points a day, then of course we risk losing him to China. Wayne Rooney is fond of Chinese.

Saving Jobs

A key argument for nationalising Wayne Rooney is the number of British jobs it would save, especially for the older generation who would find it difficult to retrain if there was no Wayne Rooney in Britain providing them with income. We would have to pay for these people with public money anyway if we were to lose Wayne Rooney.

The vast majority of skilled workers which would lose their income if Rooney was to go are over 50. They are vastly skilled in the type of jobs Wayne Rooney provides them with including jobs such as hand and blow. Rooney has been providing them with work for years and again the availability and low cost of similar skilled workers in Asia (I know, I’ve been to Thailand) could mean we lose Wayne Rooney to Asia. The only way to save these British jobs is to nationalise Wayne Rooney to ensure we keep good, honest, hard-working, skilled British workers like Deepthroat Dorothy in jobs for the foreseeable future


Why is Wayne Rooney in such rapid decline?

There is a worrying trend recently of things getting older with age. Something may have been good a few years ago, but it will eventually get older, outdated and balder. There are things we can do to superficially reverse this trend and fool people into thinking that Wayne Rooney is still capable of competing with the best in the world, but hair transplants do not cover the lack of productivity and ridiculous costs for long.

Old and Age correlation
I------------------------------------------------------------------------
I---------------------------------------------------------------------------32-----
I-------------------------------------------------------------------30----------
A---------------------------------------------------------28---------------------
G-----------------------------------------------26-----------------------------
E---------------------------------------24-------------------------------------
I------------------------------22-------------------------------------------------
I----------------------20--------------------------------------------------------
I------------18--------------------------------------------------------
I_______________________OLD________________________________

The graph shows a worrying trend of getting older with age.

EURO IN/OUT DEBATE

The in/out debate regarding the Euros is a fascinating one and another key argument for nationalising Wayne Rooney. If we can keep him going for just another few months, even if it will result in heavy losses then it will result in a favourable Euro outcome.
I know a lot of English people who want to be out of the Euros as soon as possible to concentrate on domestic affairs, but I know a lot of Welsh who are in favour of being in the Euros as long as possible. Making Rooney our main priority when it comes to the Euros would make the whole of the UK happy as England want out of the Euros, but Wales want to stay in as long as possible and won’t be looking to bale any time soon.

Feeling a part of Rooney

The Rooney tax of say 10% of our gross monthly wage is nothing compared to getting to feel a part of Wayne Rooney. It is something we would all get great pleasure from. I know I would. Words cannot describe just how excited I would be to feel a part of Wayne Rooney. Don’t have to squeeze it or anything, just like a cupping motion.

Should the government step in to save Wayne Rooney?

Yes – it is the only way to save Wayne Rooney
No – A buyer will come in
No – It’s too late to save Wayne Rooney

I would now like to take the time to advise against reading the article.

Fond regards