For those who cannot see into the future

Cardiff entertained The Rams on a rather pleasant Welsh autumn afternoon.

A fine rendition by the Pontyberry Transgender voiced choir welcomed the teams to the pitch.

The choice of song 'Man Utd's ode to Romelu Lukaku's appendage' seemed odd.

Early pressure from Cardiff resulted in Keogh sweeping his Third Reich style haircut across his brow.At one point he spent nearly two minutes on his feet.

Joe Ledley added confusion - shouting 'Boyo' randomly,forced both sets of players to say ' oi beardy bloke,do you mean me'

Cardiff took the lead when the ball appeared to be squirted from Keogh's backside after he fell on it.Carson could have done better but didn't wasn't poo poo on his gloves.

The Welshies pressured further and following a confusing passage of play that resulted in the Rams completing 6 passes to teams mates,a team huddle was called.Cardiff ran the ball up the pitch and scored, with a needlessly long range shot.

Craig Ramage remarked he could smell poo poo,so perhaps they didn't want to get too close to Carson.

Half time - 2-0 to Cardiff.

Entertainment - Several members of the Ponyberry Choir dressed as Devine and Marilyn belting out a mash up of 'You think you're a man' & I hear you on the radio' (Reminds me of Gossips,circa 1982)

Second half - Little to report in the first 20 minutes,but it was rumoured Tom Huddlestone broke sweat.It was further reported that Bradly Johnson went 7 seconds without swearing.

Constant Cardiff pressure resulted in two further goals,both from set pieces - Keogh and Davies stared blankly at each other.The Rams fans chanted for Devine.

In order to keep with tradition the Rams conceded a goal in the 99th minute Neil ' my face is like melting wax' Warnock loves a bit of afters.

Following this emphatic win, he has promised to bring his hair style into the mid 70's

Full time - 5 - 0

Our American correspondent and songster. Bruce Horrnsby was asked for comment - 'That's just the way it is - some things will never change' he mused.