Manuel visits Arsene

(Arsene is sitting in his office, with his laptop open in front of him.)

Arsene: What the heck is Deeeeench? Honestly, this is getting out of hand now.

(Suddenly there is a knock on the door.)

Arsene: Come in!

(Manuel walks into the room, staring at Arsene angrily.)

Arsene: Um, hello. Can I help you?

Manuel: Arsene, we need to talk!

Arsene: Right... do I know you?

Manuel: It's me, Manuel!

(Arsene looks blank.)

Manuel: Almunia!

(Arsene looks confused.)

Arsene: You just said your name was Manuel?

Manuel: Manuel Almunia!

Arsene: Ahhhh.

(Arsene looks thoughtfully at Manuel.)

Arsene: The name does ring a bell.

Manuel: I used to be your goalkeeper!

Arsene: Oh yes, of course! How could I forget?

(Arsene shudders.)

Manuel: I have a couple of questions for you, and I demand answers!

(Arsene looks suspiciously at Manuel, but says nothing.)

Manuel: Firstly... why am I here?

(Arsene looks surprised.)

Arsene: Why are you asking me? I don't know!

Manuel: No, I mean, why am I here at the club?

Arsene: Because I bought you.

Manuel: No! What I mean is, why am I still here at the club?

Arsene: Because I haven't sold you.

Manuel: But why?

Arsene: Why haven't I sold you?

Manuel: Yes.

Arsene: Because you are invaluable.

(Manuel now looks surprised.)

Manuel: Really?

Arsene: Yes, in ways you don't even know about.

(Manuel stares at Arsene.)

Manuel: What ways?

Arsene: That would be telling, wouldn't it?

(Arsene casually pats Manuel on the head.)

Arsene: Is that it?

Manuel: No! I want to ask you about the course of treatment I'm currently on.

(Arsene's left eye twitches slightly.)

Arsene: Yes?

Manuel: Well, firstly, I arrived after a nice summer break feeling in the best condition I'd ever been in. I had a medical check-up, which I did very well in, yet the next thing I'm told is that I have weak bones in my hands!

Arsene: Our bodies are remarkable things.

Manuel: So, the medical team decide to put me on a course of daily injections, and now, two months later, my hands are green and I can't even pick up a spoon!

Arsene: Well, it sounds as though they caught this infection early. I...

Manuel: There was no infection! There were never any weak bones! I'm being slowly poisoned by your medical staff!

Arsene: Manuel, I...

Manuel: And Squillaci. Did you know he had his left foot amputated yesterday? Apparently, he was running about as normal last week. And now he has only one foot!

Arsene: Manuel please, control yourself!

(Manuel slowly starts to relax. And suddenly, Arsene grabs a can of pepper spray and sprays it in Manuel's eyes.)

Manuel: OWWWW! MY EYES!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???

Arsene: What is necessary, my friend.

(Out of nowhere, Colin appears.)

Arsene: What do you reckon, Colin?

Colin: He'll need a bandage round his eyes.

Manuel: WHAT???

Arsene: How long for?

Colin: A couple of years.

Manuel: WHAT??? ARSENE, YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS!!!

(Colin reaches into his pocket and pulls out a syringe, which he injects Manuel with. Manuel slowly drifts into unconsciousness.)

Arsene: He knows too much, Colin.

Colin: Leave it to me, Arsene.