Message from the undisputed no 1.

Right no mucking about now. Ken here, so listen up and listen good.

I've decided that I'd pay the squad bonuses and all that in installments of £1.40 per day - funnily enough the exact same charge I have decided to charge the players in car parking fees. Now we will see who the real winner is.

Despite this the players have turned to boring old Gordon and his mates down the PFA. I requested a phone meeting with Gordon at first as a) I'm not actually in the country and b) I cannot locate my glasses with the eyes painted on. In the end his offer that we let Ben Amos play bass for the Killers is rejected by all parties - the Killers having already bagsied that for Big Sam - which is a surprise, I thought he was more a keyboard man myself.

Anyway in other more important news the club shop is open and is now selling a wide range of goods at far from reasonable prices - the airfix scale model of Aaron Wibraham in full last minute winning goal pose is a utter steal at £34.99, as is the kite with Josh Vela's face on it at an eyewateringly respectable £23.50. The hotel is also flourishing with the World Cup being on. So for the semi final why not bob round, buy an expensive pint of beer and chuck it around the gaff when a goal goes in.*

I hope by the time you are reading this we'd have put the finishing touches to some new signings. Let me assure you they are not put off by our current situation as we've had them held in a safe house with only re-runs of Bergerac and the odd World Cup match till the contract is confirmed.

Cheers Easy,

Ken.





* = if you do this however, we reserve the right to send you the cleaning billl.