bit of quality posted on the RS board

he Scousers Bible
by Devonshirespur (U6316) 19 September 2011
COMMENT ON THIS ARTICLE
1] THEN the twenty years of plenty came to an end, and twenty years of famine set in.

2] The land was barren, and nothing flourished, and no glory came upon the Kopites.

3] And the Kopites saw the glory of their neighbours to the east, the Devil-Worshippers, and they saw the wealth of the Philistines in the south, who were Muscovites from the house of C.h.a.v.

4] Then the Kopites suffered bitterly, and grievously did they pity themselves.

5] And the people came unto the Lord, wailing and rending their garments, which were made from shells.

6] And the Lord said, "Why are you come before me, crying and wailing? Wherefore do you rend your garments that are made from shells?"

7] And the people cried, "Behold, O Lord, we suffer bitterly, like.

8] For Thou hast brought wealth upon the Philistines, and glory to the Devil-Worshippers up the road; but in Thy anger Thou hast forsaken us Kopites, what were once blessed in Thy sight and that."

9] But the Lord replied, "How is it that have I have forsaken you, when I have poured such bounty upon your heads?"

10] But the people looked about them and saw no riches, nor the shining trophies of battle. And they protested unto the Lord, "Where is this bounty then, O Lord, of which Thou fuchen speakest?"

11] And the Lord replied, "Yea, the bounty of the Lord is as the rain, that is drained into the sands of the desert. For it is all gone on the likes of Bruno Cheyrou."

12] But the people wept, and they no longer had faith in the Lord, and banished him from their sight.

13] And the Lord went from that place, and two new Lords came from far away in the West.

14] And the new Lords said that They would lead the people to salvation.

15] Then the people bent over before them, and were overjoyed, and they raised their voices in praise, saying, "We're proper sorted now, la. We're gonna win the league."

16] Now it had come to pass in this time that they greatly exalted the prophet Raphael, who was their leader.

17] For under his rule they fought a battle of many nations, and in the land of Lud they strove against the Berlusconians.

18] And lo, though they were almost destroyed, they fought back and vanquished the enemy, thanks to Stevie G.

19] Then the Kopites made an idol of Raphael, and cried out that he was the saviour, and by his mighty sword they would come forth from the land.

20] But in the end they came fifth.

21] When they saw that the might of the Kopites was nigh restored, all the tribes trembled.

22] But the King of the Devil-Worshippers did not tremble: he was crafty, and in his wisdom he sent a madness upon Raphael.

23] Then Raphael became as a man who dreams, speaking in tongues and seeing visions.

24] And he squandered the wealth of the people on lame and useless servants.

25] For he brought to their camp men such as El Zhar and Ngog, Degen and Bar-Ragan. And he brought Yossi the Israelite, who had settled west of the land of Ham; and Babel, in whose name men built a tower.

26] And he brought many, many more.

27] And soon Raphael feared to venture forth, lest he be vanquished, but exhorted his servants only to defend the camp.

28] Then all the tribes came to loathe the Kopites, because they were so boring.

29] So the people came before the two Lords and said, "Why don't Ye giz some ackers to Raphael, that he may bring further glory to the people?'

30] And the Lords replied, "Behold, we have given him millions and millions of shekels. But in his madness, he spent it on Glen the son of John, and Aquilani the Roman. And lo, he squandered it on Josemi. Now the bounty of the Lords is gone, for he hath spunked it on absolute garbage."

31] But the people were not satisfied, and they wrote screeds of righteous indignation, and kept saying things about 'net spend'.

32] So the Lords cast out Raphael, and sent for the prophet Roy, renowned for his steady hand and his outstretched arm and his good relations with the press.

33] But the people were in mourning for Raphael: they loved him greatly and pitied him. And they did pity also themselves.

34] For they were blind to his madness, seeing only his triumph against the Berlusconians years before.

35] And Roy was an old man, and the Kopites lost countless battles.

36] And the people went berserk, and threatened to come into the house of the Lords and do Them harm.

37] And it came to pass that They were skint, and soon the moneylenders drove Them from the temple.

38] And so yet another Lord came among the Kopites, and he sacrificed Roy and sent for the old King who had lead the Kopites a full score years before.

39] Then the people rejoiced, and cried, "Right, this time we are pure fuchen sorted, la. We're gonna win the league."

40] And there was much laughter across the land.