You may all be wondering why I have called this sudden press conference today. But I think it is important that I show you the large analysis and training that we do before each match so that we can achieve the performance that we do on the pitch every week.
First, let me assure you that we have no spies in the opponent training camp. Non, we do not stoop to this. And we cannot find the camps. But we have the large team that look at each match our opponent has played this season. If you look at the presentation here, we have the comparison between two team that we play over the Christmas period: Manchester City and Cardiff City. Our analyst has done many hours of watching and analysing these team and has concluded that Manchester City are good, and that Cardiff City are not as good. This was important information when we decide whesser to use three defensive midfielders or just the two.
Next, we model the game. If we look at the presentation again, we can see that it is important to let the opponent score wissin the first fifteen minutes. This way, they will let us have the ball so much more. Now we see that there must be no movement in front of the ball. If there is movement, our player may be tempted to pass the ball forward and risk to lose it instead of passing the ball to the side and the back before Kasper kicks it out for a throw-in on the half way line.
We continue the model for a further fifteen minutes and we can see now in the presentation that Jamie Vardy has fallen asleep in the opposition D. But importantly, the opponent has been lured into the false sense of securitie. In the second half, we have the opportunitie for lots of qualitie, possession football. Often the ozer team will let us do this, conned by the false sense of securitie.
At this point, we bring on Rachid Ghezzal.
We have not yet completed analysis of the rest of the match, but this is a work in progress and I am pleased so far. As you can see, there are currently twentie blank screens in the presentation and over the next few season we hope to fill these out and complete the plan.
Any questions?
Bonjour.
posted on 17/1/19
Just emailed this to Nuno
posted on 17/1/19
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
This is too depressingly accurate to be funny. But it’s still funny 😂
posted on 17/1/19
comment by Cinciwolf--He's only going for another prediction comp double ffs (U11551)
posted 15 minutes ago
Just emailed this to Nuno
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You didn’t need to. No spying needed to know EXACTLY what we are going to do against you on Saturday. He just needs eyes.
posted on 17/1/19
Bonjour monsieur, ah, now I see the master plan. As a humble fan could you please enlighten me of your tactics of allowing the opposition to score a second goal just before half time. Maybe your analysis has not got this far yet but I would delighted to find out your aims for this weekly practice. Perhaps you wish to galvanise your youngsters into action & maybe get the ball eventually to old man Vardy. Are you saving his legs? Perhaps a long ball from Kasper is your ultimate aim . I would be pleased for any further feedback. Merci!
posted on 17/1/19
RUDKIN: I'm sorry ma'am, but my associate is having trouble with certain words in your vocabulary - namely "enlighten", "galvanise" and "aims". As such, we humbly decline your question.
Next?
posted on 17/1/19
Thank you Mr Rudkin, I’m quite willing to supply you & M Puel with a thesaurus if that will help the situation but maybe ‘ The boys’ guide to football tactics’ or The beginner’s guide to how to pass forward’ might be more useful. I also refer you to The goal poacher’s guide’ by a Mr G Lineker.
posted on 17/1/19
Tres bon M'sieu, tres bon.
posted on 17/1/19
Wow DM - you have triumphed again - for a moment or two I almost believed it was the genuine article - a transcription of CP's press conference LOL. I could almost hear his voice softly speaking as I read through it. Thank you so much for brightening my day, if only briefly.
p.s. You aren't really Claude in disguise are you??
posted on 18/1/19
DM, I think you missed out the chart created after the Southampton game:
The Southampton game was a real eye opener. It went fully according to plan for the first 40 minutes but then we conceded a second goal. That was not part of the plan. It is now clear to me that we were set up with too much of an attacking mindset for that game, and fielding three defensive midfielders is not the appropriate tactic when facing a side in the bottom three at home. I have learnt my lesson and am arranging for an additional two defensive midfielders to join us during this transfer window. I will make space in the squad by sending our remaining strikers out on loan for the rest of the season.