'Twas The Night Before Christmas...2019

At the eleventh hour (apologies) but as promised. Meant in jest, hope you enjoy, and Merry Christmas!

'Twas the night before Christmas and through the PL,
Not a club stirred, but they all had a story to tell.
Liverpool, like a star, sat on top of the tree,
And their fans, players and Klopp all slept grinning with glee,
While all other supporters lay drying their tears
Knowing they'd be hearing "WE'RE THE GREATEST!" for twenty-nine more years.
The Scousers in red think the situation's fantastic
While the rest of us plan to stow away on the Virgin Galactic
And return only once the whole world is a crater
(But if Neil Warnock's still whining, we'll come back even later).
Poor Man City (not financially - in a manner of speaking)
May be scoring but in defence they're positively leaking.
Their title is fading, their back line error-ridden,
And they're hoisting themselves - just like Epstein didn't.
While on the red side, OGS is in trouble
As United's former glory lies round them in rubble.
His record as gaffer is so far from spotless
And me might be the first elf after Crimbo to be jobless.
His strikers are passable, his keeper's not handy,
But somehow he's not sweating - just like ol' Prince Andy.
In London, there have been some huge changes made,
As both Emery's and Poch's final games have been played.
'Good ebening and good luck' was the message to Unai
(Although only the first half of that's not a lie).
Have we replaced him with somebody brighter and better
And far more experienced? Nope - Mikel Arteta.
For top level management he might well be green,
But he has inch-perfect hair like a Lego figurine.
So let's give him a chance and hope he breaks our curse
Because things have been bad - and they can't get much worse.
But now it's Christmas Eve and onward time does creep
So I need to send my baby boy off to sleep.
Will we watch Christmas films or will I read him books?
No, I'll put his lights out with the boring Garth Crooks
Whose ravings are stupid and who regards his own column
As so precious his name should instead be Gollum.
But for now, let's all enjoy Christmas Eve night.
Merry Christmas to all, and Crooks - your column's sh!te!