Dave Pundit's Predictions

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Sorry for the lack of predictions last week but it's been all go in the Pundit household recently. Channel 5 have been filming a pilot for a new reality show: The Only Way Is Pundit, following my family around for a couple of weeks. Unfortunately the show has now been binned after my brother Julian decided to show everyone his immaculate cockjazzle. I think mum must've dropped him on his head when he was little or something.

Everton v Liverpool
Having played in more than my fair share of Merseyside derbies - one - I can honestly say this is the biggest game of the year. It should be a cracking game mainly because Everton will be soundly thrashed. King Kenny will lead Liverpool to glory you mark my words. And I'd just like to say I've always had the utmost respect for his wife, the Queen.
Verdict: 0-3

Aston Villa v Wigan
Aston Villa are a good mid-table club not brilliant but not awful whereas Wigan are distinctly average. I think that gulf in class will show in this match and Aston Villa will literally walk it.
Verdict: 2-1

Blackburn v Man City
The big talking point of the week was clearly Carlos Tevez refusing to play for City in Europe. This is typical of the modern day foreign footballer. I never once refused to play. If I fancied a day off I just turned up to the match even more drunk than usual. Tevez behaviour was disgusting, I bet he's never even had a drink in his life. I hope Blackburn stuff them.
Verdict: 1-0

Man Utd v Norwich
Man Utd have had terrible luck with injuries but they've kept plugging away. There's no shame in a draw away to Stoke. We all know even the likes of Messi couldn't cope with the Brittania. In fact I doubt Messi would've got anywhere near Crouch for his goal. Norwich should try and follow Stoke's example and ditch any attempts to play football. Unfortunately I imagine they'll try and pass it and retain possession or something. You won't win anything like that.
Verdict: 2-0

Sunderland v West Brom
Sunderland have been pretty shaky at the start of the season and Titus Bramble's arrest won't help matters. Drugs I can understand but sexual assault? What on earth is wrong with footballers these days? With the amount of money they earn you'd think they could pay for a hooker. Still without Bramble's British grit at the back they might struggle to cope with West Brom's own British powerhouse, Shane Long.
Verdict: 1-2

Wolverhampton v Newcastle
Newcastle have been the suprise package in the league this year but Wolves have a few suprises of their own. Both teams have been punching above their weight and I think that's down to the managers Alan Pardew and Mick McCarthy you wouldn't catch either of them in a relegation battle. So two in-form teams, full of confidence and playing well, this should be a cracker, lets hope they cancel each other out completely.
Verdict: 0-0

Bolton v Chelsea
The Reebok Stadium used to be a fortress now it's more like a fort made by a child out of sofa cushions and blankets. But that fort will be crushed by Chelsea's bombardment. And leading that bombardment will be John Terry and he's the type that even if he can't breech your defences in a full on assault will smash your backdoor in as soon as look at you. He's an example to us all.
Verdict: 0-2

Fulham v QPR
As Winston Churchill said "If you're tired of London you're tired of life" and let's face it if you're not tired of life you're probably doing it wrong. Quite frankly I'm tired of London derby games. There seems to be one each week if I never see another one it'll be too soon.
Verdict: 1-1

Swansea v Stoke
Stoke are the archetypal English team, strong defence, big man upfront and a complete lack of skill. It makes you proud to be English. Swansea on the other hand are the archetypal Welsh team. Crap.
Verdict: 0-2

Tottenham v Arsenal
Now this is a proper derby game. The North London derby is always a good game and hopefully this year will be even better because Arsenal are terrible. Spurs should get a cricket score here. They've got a good English spine and a few crunching tackles from the likes of Ledley King should shatter Arsenal's French fancies' fragile knees.
Verdict: 1-0