'Bottling' - Grow up

"haha uv bottled it innit lol" and other such phrases seem to get bandied about willy nilly by so called adults as 'banter' when a team change positions in the league table.

It's both pathetic and bullying and needs to be eradicated.

But how?

The root cause appears to be the fact that everybody has access to the league table at all times. The internet generation means that everyone has access to the league table at the click of a button. Before, you had to open the newspaper on a Monday morning or use Ceefax page 324.

Lets go back to having an air of a veil of secrecy and intrigue about it.

But how?

I propose nobody even collates, let alone has access to, a league table until the end of the season.

It should be illegal and punishable by up to 15 years in prison if anyone is found to be keeping track of results.

Instead, we move to a Eurovision style ceremony at the end of each season, televised LIVE where the table gets compiled.

"We now cross over to Highbury where Tony Adams is waiting to reveal the results of the Arsenal season"

Cuts to Tony Adams in a dapper silver suit.

"Here are the results of the Arsenals season.

AFC Bournemouth, we have awarded 1 point.
Aston Villa, nil points.
Brentford, 3 points.
Chelsea, nil points.

And so on.

Chelsea could have Gianfranco Zola at Cobham, United could have Fergie in the Stretford End, West Ham cut to Julian Diicks in an East End boozer. The scene would be incredible.

All of the Premier League managers and players are sat around the room (hosted in the town or city of the team who won the league previous year).

The camera pans between Arteta and Pep, primarily, occasionally Eddie Howe or Klopp and once or twice to whoever is running Spurs that week.

"And finally we cross over to Steve Bull at his home in Tipton with the Wolverhampton Wanderers results" says host Joel Dommett.

The final set of results are revealed and for the first and only time we see the league table.

Manchester City are crowned champions, Arsenal runners up, but nobody squawks about how "ArSeNaL bOtTlEd It".

Man City then correctly get deducted 100 points for breaching FFP 275 times and Arsenal celebrate the title.

The end.