Season's Reflections - With AVB

After a brief hiatus due to unforeseen circumstances which definitely didn't involve a brief stint in prison for stealing women's underwear from clotheslines the world renowned generic interviewer is back and this time it's personal. His guest on the sofa of questionable stains is Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas.

GI: ........I love the lacy types and don't get me started on the smell. Oh, hello there and welcome to another edition of Season's Reflections. I'm delighted to welcome Mr Alien vs Predator to the studio. Congratulations on being a series of rubbish movies despite a seemingly fail-proof concept.

AVB: AAAH!!!!! Who said that?

GI: Blimey you're the paranoid type aren't you? Congratulations on your incredibly important victory last night Andrex.

AVB: I'm not paranoid, YOU'RE PARANOID! You damn media types, watching me constantly and reporting back to the Illuminati.

GI: ???

AVB: I refuse to answer anymore questions until I have sufficient protection.

GI: Erm, do you want a tin foil hat then?

AVB: Yes I do.

GI: Ok then. Claire can you make Mr Vanilla Borat a hat out of tin foil please? Thank you. She'll be back in a minute......just have to wait.

(two minutes of silence begin)

GI: And here is the hat! Get that on him there please.

AVB: Do I look good?

GI: You look like a scruffy robot sailor or something wearing that headpiece but who am I to judge. May we continue?

AVB: Wibble.

GI: Take that as a yes then, as I said last night a great win for you but with Lampard on the bench again and the likes of Drogba and Terry not getting any younger are the winds of change going to blow through Stamford Bridge soon?

AVB: What?

GI: Well, for instance Terry has probably lost a good deal of pace lately as evidenced when you played a high defensive line which exposed him to quite a degree. Is there a plan in place to replace such players? He can't go on indefinitely.

AVB: What is it with you media types? John Terry is an English hero yet you all feel the need to belittle this priceless human being. You are all swill! You're no Dave Pundit that's for sure.

GI: Who?

AVB: Why am I not surprised? Dave Pundit is the most knowledgeable football analyst on these shores and he can see greatness where the likes of you cannot. He recognises John's place in history.......people like you should be made to learn his ways when you do your journalism courses or pig-face slop meetings as I like to call them.

GI: I'll, erm, make sure to look his work up one day......perhaps. What is the deal with your media fixation? Did your mum cheat on your dad with Huw Edwards or something?

AVB: Who have you been talking to!? What do you know? My mother is a saint, that Welsh lothario cast a spell on her with leek magic or something! Damn the media to the pits of Tartarus to be forever punished by Hades and his hounds of hell!!!!!

GI: I think we're done here mate. You getting a special white coat for Christmas off the missus are you?

AVB: Get out of my mind!

GI: Andre the Giant ladies and gentlemen. Next week we'll have Irish great Robbie Keane in the studio and......

AVB: Ahhhhhhh, he's English you muppet! I win, I win! Andre beats the media once more.....woooooo!

(AVB jumps through the nearest window)