Step by step guide!

On how NOT to be a boring wum!

1) Starting off with number ONE, the infamous "19 times!", yes we know you have won it 19, congratulations! However, using this will just result in Liverpool fans replying "5 times!" and then an endless discussion about each clubs history and the types of cups each team has won.

2) DUO! Joe Cole IS better than Messi, so we don't need to hear it anymore from our man Stevie G, we've accepted it.

3) Number THREE - Transfer fee's! We overspend! We know! Some people find it as funny as Heather Trott breaking a stair lift but hey ho, theres been plenty of big money flops in the past.

4) FOUR - "Its started again - *posts a link to a Liverpool player/fan saying we're challenging for the title this year*" This is less original than chavvy birds getting a tattoo of a butterfly on their hip.

5) F-F-Five - Andy Carroll and Jordan Henderson! We know we could've got better players for the amount we paid, but Blaise N'kufo retired and Carlton Palmer said "no thanks!" and jumped back into the bath tub. So, we had to buy whatever was lying around.

Any more?