Dmitri Kharine - Crackpipe Jogpant

'Former Chelsea defender Michael Duberry, now playing for League 2 side Oxford United, has revealed how usage of the crack pipe was rife in the mid-90's after a Russian contact, often referred to as 'Khaki', was able to flood Stamford Bridge with that vicious, potent product direct from Moscow.

Duberry remained coy when revealing details but, with Dmitri Kharine currently incarcerated for 17 years on pipe charges back in Russia, he revealed some shocking details in an upcoming issue of 'Premiership Pipe Packers'.

"He knew people. He was essentially a key player and would regularly interrupt training sessions to take phone calls. We all knew what was happening. The thing was we were all just happy smoking the roach. That was fine. Frank Sinclair delved into angel dust a few times but for the most part we all liked to smoke. It was when Jody (Morris) started to dabble with Dmitri's product that things became dangerous. He was just a kid. Dmitri didn't care though. He was heartless. He used to head to Kensington after training and outsource in bulk to the rich kids. It was a crack epidemic down the Kings Road. He had foreigners heading to Harrods to scoop up luxury crack pipes. The face of West London changed because of Khaki."

In an emotional interview Duberry confessed to dabbling but was able to detach himself from the increasing pipe culture at the Bridge by finding solace in a fat stash of charlie which had been outsourced by Gianluca Vialli, part of an expanding Italian culture developing at the club.

However, tensions grew between Duberry and Kharine after a confrontation about the pipe strategy being employed by the eccentric Russian, who was beginning to sneak large quantities of the product into high security areas with the use of bespoke jogpants.

"I didn't have a problem with some of it. The fiends needed their fix so why shouldn't Dmitri be the man to supply? The issue came when he started getting high on his own supply. Training sessions became frantic and high-paced. Visually he became distorted. His goal kicks were going straight out at the other end. His distribution on the pitch suffered even if it was still successful off the pitch."

Kharine, now universally recognised as a long-term user of the pipe, also concealed some old fashioned crunch & munch in the inner linen of his matchday jogpants with a view to sparking up at quieter, more secluded grounds. “We all saw him have a good puff down at Deepdale."

Duberry is soon to be moved onto the Witness Protection Programme.'


I dunno mans be feeling kinda bad for dude as he clearly took exception to the pipe usage but snitchin aint a good look and mans be thinkin Dmitri finna bout to take this dude out. We'll see.