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Dave Pundit's Predictions

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. Thank God the transfer window has slammed shut, I can't be doing with all that 'this teams after that player' nonsense and all the breaking news, dear God. The only breaking news I'm interested in is when it's referring to some fragile foreigner's leg.

Arsenal v Blackburn
Arsenal have been pretty lucky this year, they're full of foreigners who can't take a two footed tackle without snapping a fibula but somehow they've still managed to climb their way up to seventh. Luckily we all know their season falls apart in February so I expect Blackburn to batter them here.
Verdict: 0-2

Norwich v Bolton
On one hand Norwich have had a fantastic season so far but on the other hand the job isn't finished yet and on the other hand Norwich have been very good at home but on the the other hand Bolton are improving rapidly. It's a tough one to call this one but I think Norwich might just have the upper hand.
Verdict: 1-0

QPR v Wolves
This is one of those games that when you look at it you assume it's actually a League One match and someone's written the fixture list down wrong. But apparently they are both in the Premier League. Luckily with Mick McCarthy and Mark Hughes at the helm there won't be anyone attempting to play Premier League football. This should be a good old fashioned street fight, and that's what football is all about.
Verdict: 1-1

Stoke v Sunderland
Now THIS is a Premier League game. Martin O'Neill's Sunderland are resurgent like an unstoppable force but they're coming up against the immovable object of Stoke at home. Neither team will give an inch and this entire game will end up being a bloodbath in the centre circle. I'm literally wetting my proverbial pants in excitement.
Verdict: 0-0

West Brom v Swansea
One of these teams is foreign and the other is managed by a foreigner who can barely speak the Queen's English. Y'know it's, like, a tragedy that footy, like, has come to this I tells you. If I could summon up the ability to care I'd probably say this will be some kind of horrendous high scoring draw with a load of goal mouth action and pleasant passages of passing play. Horrific.
Verdict: 3-3

Wigan v Everton
It's looking very bleak for Wigan and we can only hope it looks even bleaker after this fixture. I have nothing against the club per se but they've made their bed by hiring a foreigner and now they have to lie in it. C'est la vie as they say. I personally would never have anything to do with anything that wasn't 100% English. That's why I like David Moyes so much he may be at the club on the wrong side of Liverpool but he knows how to get a team to grind their way through a season.
Verdict: 0-1

Man City v Fulham
Despite losing in midweek I can't see Man City slipping up here. They are far superior to Fulham especially since Fulham have sold the future of English football, Bobby Zamora. It's a ridiculous decision from a manager who might fool some people with his English sounding first name, but he's not fooling me.
Verdict: 3-0

Newcastle v Aston Villa
Newcastle have been playing brilliantly this year, and I can see them getting another good result here. Despite Villa's strong English spine of Dunne, Ireland and Keane they don't seem to have gelled as a team under Alex McLeish. It's probably because he's ginger.
Verdict: 2-1

Chelsea v Man Utd
Now this is a real humdinger. Man Utd are once again pushing for the title but going to Chelsea is never easy. I think it's perfectly fair that John Terry's court date has been postponed, if you can't circumvent the law when your the England captain then when can you? People think John Terry might be off his game because of it but as far as I'm concerned he has nothing to worry about, he's as right as right can be and this case will prove that. He'll come out of it whiter than white I'm sure.
Verdict: 1-1

Liverpool v Tottenham
It doesn't get much better than this, two great clubs going for it hammer and tongs. Tottenham sitting in third literally couldn't be better placed and Liverpool are on the up and challenging for fourth, what a top of the table clash this could be. Of course Harry Redknapp has his own off the pitch troubles and I feel for him, I really do. I personally never got big lumps of cash of anyone when I was playing so I don't know what it's like but I remember seeing Bruce Grobbelaar after some guy had paid a massive chunk into his bank account once and he really struggled to play well the next game, threw away two stupid goals as I recall. It's funny what a bit of cash does for your mental state. So this is really the wrong time for him to be facing King Kenny, the finest manager this country has ever produced.
Verdict: 2-1

comment by Red Led (U1731)

posted on 3/2/12

"C'est la vie as they say. I personally would never have anything to do with anything that wasn't 100% English".

Pure Gold, n'est-ce pas?

Brilliant as usual Dave - 5

posted on 3/2/12

"they don't seem to have gelled as a team under Alex McLeish. It's probably because he's ginger."



Oh dear... I had a mouthful of brew when I read that, and some came out of my nose. Urgh...

comment by Diggler (U4142)

posted on 3/2/12

This is the second time Ive read Daves predictions, with last week being the first.

Got a laugh out of me last week but not so much today.

posted on 3/2/12

"This is the second time Ive read Daves predictions, with last week being the first."

He didn't do one last week? Is there a Dave imposter doing a better job than Dave?

comment by Diggler (U4142)

posted on 3/2/12

Good point. To clarify and put everyones minds to rest, the last Dave Pundit article previous to this one was the first one I had read. It was probably a couple of weeks ago.

posted on 3/2/12

if not a fortnight

comment by MBL. (U6305)

posted on 3/2/12

5 from me again quality stuff.

posted on 3/2/12

Good quality and funny. Reckon David Moyes will take offence at the 100% English comment, as he is somewhat pure Scottish!!

posted on 3/2/12

I got my money on Dave being a Tranmere supporter!!

posted on 3/2/12

Punditry and its most uproarious rib-tickling best. God Bless you Dave Pundit and if you was a ship I'd like to c um on your boat and have your children.

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