Dave Pundit's Predictions

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. I don't often comment on football north of the border, mainly because it's awful. And let's face it no footballer of any note has come from there. But I was chatting to my old mate and Liverpool legend, Graeme Souness, and he was telling me about the plight of Rangers, and do you know what I say? Sod 'em. They've got themselves into this mess, they can get themselves out. They should've looked at clubs from England like Chelsea and Liverpool. You wouldn't see them being careless with money.

Bolton v QPR
This is a real six pointer. And if any teams could do with six points right now it's these two, but obviously it can only happen for one of the teams. I think Bolton will just edge it and walk away with all six points here.
Verdict: 2-1

Aston Villa v Fulham
Villa fans will be looking at the teams below them anxiously but they shouldn't worry, all the teams below them are crap. They all try and play football, but you don't get any of that sort of rubbish under McLeish. Villa will be fine. They'll probably lose here though.
Verdict: 0-1

Chelsea v Stoke
So player pressure has forced Andre Villas-Boas out of Chelsea and I say, thank God that the players knew what they were doing. When teams play badly it is always the manager's fault. You can't expect the players to play well if every time they look to the bench for some inspiration they see a ginger 12 year old Spaniard shouting at them. I mean look at it from John Terry's point of view, how embarrassing it must be to have a manager that is so clearly inferior to him in every way? Of course this means that the next manager of Chelsea would have to be John Terry himself because he's the only person in the world that is superior to John Terry. In fact John Terry is so superior to John Terry he makes John Terry look like a French man.
Verdict: 2-0

Sunderland v Liverpool
Is there a better player in the Premier League at the moment than Lee Cattermole? Yes. But that's only because John Terry exists. Cattermole has it all, he understands that tackling is a dying art form but he's a one man renaissance, not for him the new-fangled 'trying to win the ball' approach, he's an old-fashioned kill the man and worry about the consequences afterwards. This season he's been arrested and been sent off after a match has finished that's commitment that is. If I gave out awards for being the most like Dave Pundit he'd come a close runner up to me. However, Liverpool didn't play last week so they'll be fresh for this one and should win it easily.
Verdict: 1-3

Wolves v Blackburn
You have to feel for Terry Connor, he's really been thrown to the wolves. I mean sure in the future he will lead the war against the Terminators but that'll be a breeze compared to keeping Wolves up. Blackburn have shown they're up for the fight and I expect them to say hasta la vista baby to Wolves here. Only in English, obviously.
Verdict: 0-1

Everton v Tottenham
It's the sign of a good team that they can bounce back from defeats and Tottenham have proved they are a great team with their confident demolition of Stevenage. Now I have no idea where Stevenage is but it's no mean feat for a club side like Tottenham to beat any kind of national team. Hang your heads citizens of Stevenage, your entire country couldn't even beat Tottenham. Of course it helps that Tottenham do have the English manager in charge of them I suppose. They'll stuff Everton here. Everton isn't even a place let alone a country.
Verdict: 0-4

Man Utd v West Brom
West Brom have done well recently despite having a foreign manager, and it just goes to show what I always say, it doesn't matter who the manager is it's the players on the pitch that count. But beating Manchester United? Come on, the very thought is laughable. I doubt a foreign manager has ever beaten an Alex Ferguson side.
Verdict: 3-1

Swansea v Man City
Swansea beat Wigan last night which is about as interesting to me as the outcome of a civil war in a third world country. It's foreigners business what they do with their lives and I don't see why us Brits have to hear about it. I'm fed up to the back teeth of things like Comic Relief, Sport Relief and Swansea Relief quite frankly. One thing's for certain though Man City won't give them any relief here. It'll be the footballing equivalent of stealing their children and forcing them to shoot their parents. And I think that's something we can all rejoice in.
Verdict: 0-3

Norwich v Wigan
Norwich couldn't cope with the might of Stoke last week but there's no shame in that. They are fighters and they you can never accuse them of not trying. One thing's for sure Norwich will give 100% against Wigan here. Or 110% if they use all their fingers.
Verdict: 2-1

Arsenal v Newcastle
After Arsenal's humiliating and crushing defeat in the Champions League this week confidence will be at an all time low. Whereas if Newcastle can take the momentum built in last weeks game they should be able to literally beat the crap out of the Gunners. And after that they might win the game too.
Verdict: 0-1