Don Hutchison – Torben Tub & Torben Spliff

“Former Liverpool midfielder Don Hutchison has revealed the crazy antics from his former team-mates which eventually drove him away from Anfield in 1994. Hutchison was a key player in the early days of the Souness era but became angry and frustrated by what he perceived to be unprofessional behaviour from many of the staff. Hutchison, who was affectionately referred to as ‘Skidmark’, often trained in isolation to remove himself from the jokers of the pack.

‘There were some good lads there. Some really top blokes who took their football seriously. But sadly most of them were on crack. Then there were some d_cks. Proper d_cks. Steve Harkness was one of the worst when he showed up. Neil Ruddock was a d_ck.’

Hutchison’s anger first grew when an impromptu speech from recovering crack fiend Phil Charnock was interrupted by Steve Harkness slam dunking youth team players into a tub of p_ss.

‘He’d be dunking Lee Jones like a salsa dip. Poor lad. People thought he liked his hair all slicked back but they didn’t know the full story. The only positive was Lee was able to approach hair care companies and advise that urine could be used to create stronger moulded hairstyles. Shame Steve stole all the publishing rights.’

After months of contending with silly behaviour Don admits that it was the oddness of one particular member which sent him over the edge.

‘Torben Piechnik. He was quite simply the strangest Danish w_nker I met in my entire life. And I’ve met some odd Danish w_nkers. He used to do odd things. His sock drawer routine. The nude fish tank bathing. It was odd. But one time it just went too far. I remember it clearly. After a game we’re all in the tub getting washed and he rolls in. He’d not even been on the bench that day but he’d been up in the stands somewhere.

"Hi boys," he grinned, slowly loosening the windsor knot on his tie. "This looks like a party I need to join." He then proceeded to reach into his inside pocket and produced a small bag and and a spliff which he gently placed on the side of the tub. "For later," he said, winking at Paul Stewart.

As he wedged himself into the tub I noticed him grinning in a more intense manner. “Will you be offended my friends?" he asked politely.

“By what?" several of us asked simultaneously.

“Will you be offended if I knock one out. Right now. Mr Hutchison. I must use you this time."

I clambered out and just left. I spoke to Mr Souness the next day and his response astounded me. “Torben’s been knocking them out in the tub all season Don." He laughed and shook his head in a nonchalant manner. I handed in my transfer request the following day."

Don Hutchison recounts tales from his Anfield days in the upcoming autobiography ‘A Torben Tub & A Torben Spliff’ which will be available in June 2012.