ooops.

Predictive text costs lives!


Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my Wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember.
My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!"
It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o'clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go!"
We went to lunch. But we didn't go where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table.
We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.
On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, do we?"
I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?"
She said, "Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner."
After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said,
"Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back."
"Okay," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake.
Followed by my Wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday".
And I just sat there...
On the couch...
Sobbing...
Naked...
and erect.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

heard that one before and its quite clear where it is going, but its faaacking funny . Bales


what a predicament !

Yeah seemed familiar to me too.. good one tho

you hear the one about the blind circumcisionist?




































































he got the sack

Brilliant

don't click

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don't click :

That chestnut was already old when I heard it in the 70s as a kid.

clicky

its spurs v chelsea this weekend

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My wife left a note on the fridge saying:

"It's not working! Iv had enough, iv gone to my mums"

I opened the fridge.
The light came on.
The beer was cold.
What is she talking about?

farck, Aceface beat me to it

try sickipedia btw, best source of jokes online

Chronic-can;t talk football on a joke thread we'll obviously smash you though

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comment by THE ACE FACE (U18814)
posted 5 seconds ago
I just got back from the world impotence championships early as I went out in the first round.


It was too hard.

---

thudd probably won it

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My mother in law is so fat, when she fell down the stairs i thought EastEnders had started.

Why was the washing machine laughing ?

- Because it was taking the p iss out of the pants.