Three slags went to a fairground and noticed a sign saying 'screw an elephant for 10 quid'. So the first slag pays her money and sneaks off round the back off one of the marquees with an elephant. Half an hour later she returns looking exhausted but happy and said 'that was amazing, it really hit the spot' second slag pays her money and goes off on the tunnel of love with the elephant, comes back half an hour later saying how good it was and how the elephant had behaved like a perfect gentleman throughout etc.' so the third slag pays her money and goes off somewhere quiet with the elephant. Half an hour later she staggers back with a broken pelvis and looking very much the worse for wear if you'll pardon the expressions. So the first 2 slags ask 'what happened to you?
' the 3rd slag replies 'the bastad tried to finger me!'

I got home and caught my wife fecking a transformer, "It's not what it looks like, " she said.

"I caught my twelve-year-old son looking up women’s skirts today,” I told the barman after my second whiskey. “That’s pretty normal for a twelve-year-old, isn’t it?” he asked. “Not on eBay it isn’t!” I said.

I remember once when my dad gave me money to pay the electricity bill but instead i bought a raffle ticket to win a brand new car. When i got home,i explained to my dad what i did and he beat the crap out of me.
But the next day, when my dad woke up and opened the door, outside my house was a brand new car. We all cried especially me,because the car was from the electricity company, they were there to cut off the electricity, my dad beat the crap out of me again 😂

Gentlemen…. purlease. Have a bit of decorum. Surely it would be remiss of us all on Ja606 not to acknowledge the birth of yet another glorious, royal, taxspounging baby this week.

Shame he wasn't named prince Albert.

Anyhoo… for those that missed it. Here is the week's most important fact: in 1904 King Edward died, and was buried in the soil so that he may rule over all potatoes forever.

© Philomena Cunck