Farmer won the nobel prize
He was out standing in his field
2 guys in a boat with 15 ciggies but no match, so they threw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
Paddy walks into doctors wearing a celtic scarf and a hat.
Doctor says “hello, and how can I help you?”
Paddy lifts up the hat – and there’s a frog growing out of his head.
“Dearie me” says the doctor – “how did that happen?”
“It started as a boil on my ar5e” said the frog.
celtic to win the league this season
ah'll get ma coat
Rangers to become solvent whilst Minty holds on to his knighthood.......
ahem.
How do you get a Hearts fan to run?
Build a job centre.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who
Wow I didn't know you could yodle.
Man walks into a bar....
Ouch!
I was clearing out my late German Grandfather's attic and decided to give all his old clothes to the local charity shop.
I handed over the bag of clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it when a horrified expression formed on her face.
"How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop" she exclaimed angrily. "This is a symbol of pain, shame and humiliation."
Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the bag.
"I'm truly sorry" I said, "I had no idea grandad Adolf was a Rangers fan"
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
Did ye hear about the man with no legs...?
Struck a hardon and pole vaulted home.
I said to the train conductor i want to go to paris
he said-eurostar
i said,i was on the telly once but i no dean martin.
i met a gangster who used to tug up peoples pants,his name was wedgie kray.
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
I got a job as a bounty hunter in China.
Couldn't believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!
Why did the apple cross the road?
To see the Orange walk!
Two parrots sat on a perch....one says to other 'can you smell fish?'
I had an ex-girlfriend with one-leg, her name was eileen, but I fancied her sister who had no legs, she was noeleen.
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like
I'm turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bounty"
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.
What's broon and sticky?
A stick.
Whats black white and red all over?
A zebra with sunburn
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
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Classic jokes...
Page 1 of 2
posted on 21/9/11
Farmer won the nobel prize
He was out standing in his field
posted on 21/9/11
2 guys in a boat with 15 ciggies but no match, so they threw one overboard to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
posted on 21/9/11
Paddy walks into doctors wearing a celtic scarf and a hat.
Doctor says “hello, and how can I help you?”
Paddy lifts up the hat – and there’s a frog growing out of his head.
“Dearie me” says the doctor – “how did that happen?”
“It started as a boil on my ar5e” said the frog.
posted on 21/9/11
celtic to win the league this season
ah'll get ma coat
posted on 21/9/11
Rangers to become solvent whilst Minty holds on to his knighthood.......
ahem.
posted on 21/9/11
How do you get a Hearts fan to run?
Build a job centre.
posted on 21/9/11
Knock knock
Who's there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who
Wow I didn't know you could yodle.
posted on 21/9/11
Man walks into a bar....
Ouch!
posted on 21/9/11
I was clearing out my late German Grandfather's attic and decided to give all his old clothes to the local charity shop.
I handed over the bag of clothes to the shop assistant who was rummaging through it when a horrified expression formed on her face.
"How dare you bring this uniform in to my shop" she exclaimed angrily. "This is a symbol of pain, shame and humiliation."
Hugely embarrassed at this turn of events, I quickly took back the bag.
"I'm truly sorry" I said, "I had no idea grandad Adolf was a Rangers fan"
posted on 21/9/11
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 21/9/11
LMC
true classic.
posted on 21/9/11
Did ye hear about the man with no legs...?
Struck a hardon and pole vaulted home.
posted on 21/9/11
I said to the train conductor i want to go to paris
he said-eurostar
i said,i was on the telly once but i no dean martin.
posted on 21/9/11
i met a gangster who used to tug up peoples pants,his name was wedgie kray.
posted on 21/9/11
I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
posted on 21/9/11
I got a job as a bounty hunter in China.
Couldn't believe my luck, every time they put a new wanted poster up, the guy they were after was standing right next to me!
posted on 21/9/11
Why did the apple cross the road?
To see the Orange walk!
posted on 21/9/11
Two parrots sat on a perch....one says to other 'can you smell fish?'
posted on 21/9/11
I had an ex-girlfriend with one-leg, her name was eileen, but I fancied her sister who had no legs, she was noeleen.
posted on 21/9/11
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 21/9/11
What do you call a dwarf that falls into a cement mixer?
A wee hard man
A guy walks into a GP's surgery.
"Doctor , Doctor! He cries , "you've got to help me, I feel like
I'm turning into coconut"
Says the doctor, "You're bounty"
What did Dracula get when he came to Glasgow ?
A bat in the mouth.
posted on 21/9/11
What do you call an illegitimate insect ?
A fly bastart.
posted on 21/9/11
What's broon and sticky?
A stick.
posted on 21/9/11
Whats black white and red all over?
A zebra with sunburn
posted on 21/9/11
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
Page 1 of 2