that was absolute terrible

bit like your maths then wanyama!

shockingly bad

fERGIE USES cLEARISIL!

Sorry that was supposed to say Windolene!

5 s, Ally.

I'm feeling magnanimous tonight.

It's no funny, but 5 s anyway.

its a wee bit funny

Awrite Duke, jist a we bit.

Ally, ye should be oan stage.

It's awright/ish.

Mccoist and durrant are sitting in the pub eating pies and sinking a few pints, they are sitting alone beside the coal fire with a cat lying napping at the foot of the table.

After some idle chit chat a guy walks in and bends down lifts the cats tail and lthen puts it back down again? Mcoist looks at durranty like wtf wiz that all aboot. So aboot another ten minutes go by same thing happens again guy comes in the door bends doon lifts tail then walks tae the bar

So this time ally says tae durranty if some cvnt walks through that door and lifts that cats tail am chinnin him.

At that moment a man walks in and bends down lifts cats tail and goes to the bar at seeing this mccoist shouts hey mate whit wiz at all aboot lifting the cats tail??? The guy shouts back




Theres some guy outside there saying theirs a cat sitting in there wae two ars3holes

Toe, that was worse.

were man u chelsea arsenal spurs and liverpool all in the 1st round of the fa cup? hmmmmm

Ally, EK is doubting the whole premise of your wee joke.


Intae um.

quebec


merely pointing out a glaring mistake in the "joke"

EK in a "roundabout" ()kinda way they all got byes to the 3rd round!

ally


so wenger and avb bought rounds that they werent even in?

ffs, it's a joke, no psychoafekkinnalasis.

EK read byes as buys, I think.

William was walking his 3 legged dug nacho on the saltcoats beach, and he kicked over a bottle and ooft out popped a genie.

Alright young man i am the genie of the lamp and since you have freed me i will grant you one wish and one wish only.

Ye mean al hiv a real wish anyhing a want, so billy hinks aboot is for a minute and then it strikes him he says see ma wee dug nacho am gonny enter him in a race put all ma money even lend as much as can get and lump it on him and yer gonny make him win his odds will be aboot 100/1 a will win a fortune.

The genie on hearing this says look am a genie but if i do that i mean come on people are going to know that magic is afoot, is their nothing else reallly that i could do.

Aye yer right we dont want people twigiing and a widnae get ma dosh,

Right ave another wan fur ye see this strip ave got on, its the rangers and we arra peeple, a really luve em and nothing would make me happier than if you made them win the champions league so we could match them tims we hate.

The genie ponders this proposal and he scratches his chin and says.............


Let me hear about that dug again

ek you've taken this far too serious mate

gies wan fae you then athiest lol its only jokes and least when i slate them i have the balls to tell equally bad ones

Toe, it's gettin worser and worser.

tim

just in one of those moods mate

So why did the English wear red coats in battle???

A long time ago,
Britain and France were at war.
During one battle,
the French captured an English colonel.
They took him to their headquarters,
and the French general began to question him.

Finally as an afterthought,
the French general asked,
"Why do you English officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you
easier targets for us to shoot at?"

In his bland English way,
the officer informed the general that the reason English officers wear red coats
is so that if they are shot,
the blood won't show,
and the men they are leading won't panic.

And that is why,
from that day to this,
all French Army officers wear brown trousers.

I know that wasn't the best but maybe you guys will prefer this one.....

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was
very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbours, and
led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The
evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a
devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother
passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.

One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother? He died before me,
but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not
spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere
I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and
Wish I could see him again."

"You can see him if you wish", God said "I will give you the power to gaze
into hell."

So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into hell. Before long
he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer,
and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing.
I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a
beautiful woman in the other. Surely, hell can not be that bad."

God explained. "Things are not always as they seem, my son. The keg has a hole in - the blonde doesn't.