You know when someone gives up on you.
There's no hiding it.
When it's your parents it's incredibly hard, no matter what age you are. Probably especially when they were really all you had at that point. And when you had such promise, and they just gave up on it an decide to invest in others instead. If not financially then emotionally.
And when you'd worked hard and tried hard, but not managed to get anywhere yet. And they just decided, fk it, let's forget about him.
If you're successful it's fine probably, it doesn't matter. It wouldn't happen in that situation probably, but if it did it wouldn't matter so much.
Not when you've failed though, when you've not found your life, when you've got nothing. And they just decide to accept that and no longer care. To actively move on to other people and consciously decide to just let you rot. It is tough.
Even more when to one of your parents they aren't even his family. When he gave up his only child for what looked like a better option, and persuaded your mother to do the same.
When you see him being the parental figure to others he never was to you. When you see all of his interest, all of his passion go to his step family, like they are the warmth of the sun and you are a muddy puddle.
Geez. What a ntuc.

And I can tell you that if they pretend nothing's happened it's even tougher. Somehow it would be easier if they acknowledged it. Sorry would help, but just to not...lie. It's a big lie. A huge lie. A solid unpenetrable wall of thick lie. And it is very painful to see your own mother moving behind that lie. To completely deny what they've done. Not even just deny what she's done, but both of them. To become his shield. To deny his wickedness. His abandonment. His gleeful, joyful abandonment.
It shouldn't happen. It's incredibly selfish. Your own parents.

But yes the answer is in finding a job and moving to a new life completely. I have been trying to do that for some time. Maybe I'll get there yet.

Unfortunately no matter what the reality of the situation is you can't force people to change things they've already done or how they feel, all you can do is look forward and work on yourself.

And BLB I'm about a week late but yes, big fan of Nanaimo bars. Almost went off them cos my partner was bringing them home SO often but now they're back to being a delightful treat.

Yeah you have to restrict it to once a month or less, else the diabeetus will get you anyway

Yeah I don't drink coffee or anything and I'm not made of money so don't shop at Safeway, so it's rare I'd be in the position to impulse buy one and I think that's a better relationship to have with them.

I drink coffee but can't get behind spending $6-7 on one when I've got nice coffee at home and a fancy espresso machine at work. People come to the office with Tim Hortons.. more money than sense I tell ye

but yes my half brother played a big role in it.
i believe he's likely had a grievance against them both since he was a child, for her leaving his dad.
he's said it about our mum and i've heard from someone else as well that that's how he feels about our mum, and assume that he feels the same about my dad and that his relationship with my dad is false, although i don't know.
but regardless he has definitely encouraged and pressured my dad into moving to their family and away from me, and has done for years.
i doubt he realised how easy it would be though.
anyway, am going to sleep.

comment by Bãleș left boot (U22081)
posted 20 minutes ago
I drink coffee but can't get behind spending $6-7 on one when I've got nice coffee at home and a fancy espresso machine at work. People come to the office with Tim Hortons.. more money than sense I tell ye
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I can kinda see justifying it as a treat if you're in twice a day (well not Timmies) but some people spend a stupid amount daily.

It's totally a status thing to walk about the place waving around a cup of coffee. Going to the beach? Definitely need a coffee. Going to the grocery store? Better believe that needs a coffee. I seen a caant running with a coffee the other day. I wanted to slap it out of his hand so bad

comment by Edinspur (U1109)
posted 3 hours, 31 minutes ago
and have the <u> PRIVILIGE </u> of being able to
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Weird that you drew so much attention to a word you spelled wrong

Also, what the fack happened in here in the 9-10hrs since I last came on this page

the depression hurts my head so much
it's like it's eating my brain.
god it's awful this feeling.

i told my half brother last december the depths of depression i've had for so long.
in the next 3 weeks he didn't mention it, didn't ask how i was once.
the only time i saw him he came round and told my mum that she should make plans for dying, and asked her if she has arrangements in place.
when i said to him you really upset her she doesn't want to talk about that, he writes that it's none of my business and if he wants to talk to his mum he will do.
then about 3 weeks after i told him how bad my depression gets, and actually when I'd been feeling better because a job interview had come through, he says he is going to drive me to the doctor and if i want will come in and talk to him/her with me about my mental health. tells me i mustnt take no for an answer.
i felt like i was under attack and actually went to the police station in town but it had closed already and i left it after that.

comment by Amanda Hugginkiss (U11574)
posted 4 hours, 3 minutes ago
Also, what the fack happened in here in the 9-10hrs since I last came on this page
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Every time you leave us alone it's the same. Bad parenting

comment by Amanda Hugginkiss (U11574)
posted 7 hours, 5 minutes ago
Also, what the fack happened in here in the 9-10hrs since I last came on this page
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Whitney Houston. We have a problem.

comment by Bãleș left boot (U22081)
posted 4 hours, 10 minutes ago
comment by Amanda Hugginkiss (U11574)
posted 4 hours, 3 minutes ago
Also, what the fack happened in here in the 9-10hrs since I last came on this page
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Every time you leave us alone it's the same. Bad parenting
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Go to your room

i put a further comment on the whitney thread, which i can delete later.

anyway, it's a lovely day and my hamstrings feel like they've got a bit of bounce back today, so going for a jog

comment by Luka Bosh Brasi (U22178)
posted on 26/3/24

https://youtu.be/39mZS0XdmFM?si=hiK9AxRikD_2QeBy

Luca Williams-Barnett 15 years old. Played for the U18's today and scored. If only he was a few years older.

comment by Bãleș left boot (U22081)
posted on 26/3/24

Excited to see him never play for us
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Just bagged a hat trick against Utd at u18 level. He is 16 now. One to keep an eye on.

comment by Amanda Hugginkiss (U11574)
posted 13 hours, 9 minutes ago
comment by Edinspur (U1109)
posted 3 hours, 31 minutes ago
and have the <u> PRIVILIGE </u> of being able to
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weird that you drew so much attention to a word you spelled wrong
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I like you

Sorry, I was very depressed last night.
It absolutely kills you. Brain ache, bad guts. Awful.
Alright today so far.
Nice day here. Had a jog in a bit of sunshine.
Hope everyone nice has a nice day.

comment by Edinspur (U1109)
posted 1 hour, 45 minutes ago
comment by Amanda Hugginkiss (U11574)
posted 13 hours, 9 minutes ago
comment by Edinspur (U1109)
posted 3 hours, 31 minutes ago
and have the <u> PRIVILIGE </u> of being able to
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Weird that you drew so much attention to a word you spelled wrong
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I like you
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FINALLY

it's really like a horror story.
this guy has had a grudge since childhood and has manipulated my parents (including his mother).

anyone straight would obviously say to them we need to help this guy, his life's fallen apart. he has done the opposite.
i believe he's seen me as an enemy for a long time i just didn't realise it.

The wolves shout on here from some on the pre season predictions looking good

We can’t lose at home again to those fackers (sorry Mandy)

Yeah, all very well saying they had a tough first few games but they just look too easy to beat