The enigma of Gervinho

Gervinho, aka the Forehead, has rapidly become my favourite player.
I say this from the perspective of a Situationist, who believes we live in the society of the Spectacle where everything is valued according to the degree it entertains or provokes us.
And Gervinho is certainly provoking, even if frequently for the wrong reasons.

I have a theory about Gervinho: that he should rightfully play in the Paralympics football as he is clinically deaf, dumb and blind. Deaf, because he does not appear to listen to tactical talk before the game, or hear his team mates calling for the ball, or hear the offside whistle. Dumb, because he never petitions the ref, or mutters grave insults to the opponents to destabilise them. Blind, because he has only the vaguest idea where the goal is or where his team-mates are.
He spends most matches dashing around the pitch looking for the ball, and when he finds it adamantly refuses to give it up. He charges in the general direction of the opponent’s goal, oblivious to everything. All he can see is the ball at his feet, he never looks up.

My favourite Gervinho moments are when he bundles into an entire thicket of defenders, who surround him. He then emerges, ball still at his feet, leaving them looking very bewildered. He manages this not by circus trickery, multiple stepovers and the like, but by totally random and unpredictable movements. Houdiniesque wriggling. Then, rather than pass to a well-positioned team-mate he takes a wild slash at the goal which usually results in injured spectators.

He doesn’t dive, punch, whine or sulk. All good qualities in a professional footballer. When you see him off-pitch, he is normally cocooned from the world behind enormous insectoid shades and ear-cans. He looks serene, and deeply cool.
Best of all, like somebody else pointed out, he never gives up. Never!
In that sense, he is like Wenger.

My big hope for him is that he goes to an optician and gets contact lenses so he can get a better idea of where the goal is, and possibly where his team-mates are.
Then, he will be Monster.