Blackpool v. Derby County - Match Thread

I've had quite a few tonight. Tasty. But you don't want to be anywhere near my bog tomorrow morning if you know what's good for you. Even the cat cowers in the corner and covers its ears with its paws.

Looking at the bag, it says they're Turkish figs, and that 99% of the contents of the bag are partially rehydrated dried figs. So it's either the figs that are the culprit, or the mystery ingredient that makes up the remaining 1%. My money's on the figs.

I think its the figs as well. Everyone has to take a dump anyway, so might as well eat what you enjoy and save stretching your balloon knot at the same time.

Those are wise and profound words which many would do well to take on board, harper.

I don't like figs. Or Clough.

I like fig rolls.

I used to eat fig rolls round my nans. They were great.

There's the funny thing. I don't like fig rolls, though there are a few lurking miserably somewhere in my biscuit tin, festering and unloved and infecting nearby biscuits with their rancidness, rather like 666 and impressionable posters on a ja606 thread.

I love a fresh fig, though. I planted a fig tree in my garden a few years ago but I haven't had much off it, what with the bad winters. In terms of end product there has been little progress, you might say, but it has gradually got a bit more though, and there a few promising-looking figlets appearing this year. I believe one of these years there will be a good harvest, if I am not being too subtle in my metaphor.

Figs rule!

It's not the climate for self fig production. Indeed, with the need for figs becoming ever greater as we scratch around locally looking for figs, often in desperation including these unripened figs in recipes before they are ready, one can only wonder if perhaps we might better look into the availability of cheaper foreign figs to supplement the few figs we have. That way, we can enjoy figs today without having to harvest the young figs too soon and end up making ourselves sick.

Figs ain't what they used to be.

Apologies if I've been too subtle in my metaphor; what I actually mean is CLOUGH OUT

But if you tend your fig tree well enough, after a while you have a surplus. You can produce the figs you require to satisfy your own needs, and flog some of the juiciest of these luxury items to your greedy neighbours who are too lazy or too impatient to tend their own fig trees. They will be more than happy to pay way over the odds, and with the profit you can re-invest in bigger and better fig farms with which to make your fortune. Very soon you will save the very best figs for yourself and sell the slightly less perfect figs to the mass market where demand will always be high for your wonderful product. Each year you will get richer and richer, and you will realise that despite your initial hardship, the long-term strategy did indeed bear rich fruit.

Figs can only get better!