Finger up the Arris

It's been no secret that I've been in a pretty bad mood this weekend and I'd like to share with you all why that is. It's not just Leicester shocking performance against Boro that's got me reaching for the Xanax.

As you may know i went flooring shopping on Sat afternoon so missed some of the match action but that was after a trip to the urologist for what I thought was merely a 'consultation'. I'm only in my thirties but have had some issues with kidney stones and going for a pisss so the GP got me in for a Saturday AM appointment to discuss my symptoms with a specialist.

Anyway, the doctor was a nice Asian bloke and we had a chat about my symptoms. He then asked me to lie on the bed which I thought was a bit odd for a consultation but I figured maybe he just wanted to prod around my abdomen. As he put his glove on and reached for the jelly, I began to get a bit more concerned. Maybe he's doing an ultrasound thing I thought. Turns out I was wrong

He asked me to drop my trousers which I duly did. He saw my tackle and although he didn't say anything I could tell he was impressed. Anyway he then asked me to lay on my side and pull my knees up to my chest. That's when I began to panic. Without warning his finger went up my arris faster than Vardy chasing a long ball. Turns out he wanted to do a full prostate exam

He had a good wiggle of the finger and it felt weird. A bit painful but slightly arousing. At one stage I wondered if he was even a doctor at all - maybe the doctor hadn't arrived yet and this guy is the cleaner or something and just gets off on fingering strangers. But then he told me everything was fine and my prostate wasn't the problem. He still hadn't taken his finger out though which was weird.

The whole thing lasted around 30 seconds and afterwards I honestly couldn't walk particularly well. I seriously wonder if he put another finger up there or even tried to slip his hand in. My arris felt like a clowns pocket when he was done

Anyway, after that I was in a pretty bad mood so you can understand why Leicesters result didn't exactly go down well. Happy to take any questions.....