Dave Pundit's Predictions

Hi, I'm Dave Pundit. I noticed this week that the Rugby World Cup was on. I didn't watch it, I just happened to be in the pub at 8 in the morning and suddenly I had to queue to get my full Scotch breakfast. I heard afterwards that it was a tedious, boring, low scoring game anyway. I'll probably watch it this week. Anyway on with real sport.

Blackburn v Arsenal
In midweek Arsenal struggled to an embarrassing 1-1 draw in Europe, that's just not good enough. Apparently they also only fielded one Frenchman, so now they're not only a disgrace to England they're also a disgrace to their home nation. Let's hope Blackburn stuff them.
Verdict: 2-1

Aston Villa v Newcastle
The difference between these two teams is the way they're run, Aston Villa have some ridiculous yank in charge whereas Neecastle are a properly run English club with a great chairman. Luckily though Villa's boss has seen enough sense to appoint an English manager at last so this should be a close game.
Verdict 1-1

Bolton v Norwich
Bolton suffered a heavy defeat against Man Utd last time out, the fans must be wishing for a return to the good old days, Owen Coyle seems to insist on them playing football, you never got that with Gary Megson. Norwich got some bad decisions last week but you can't keep moaning about them. Just get on with it.
Verdict: 2-2

Everton v Wigan
Is it even worth Wigan turning up? The players might as well just give the game a miss and go to the pub. That's what my manager always told me to do for games against superior opposition anyway.
Verdict 2-0

West Brom v Swansea
I've still not worked out what country Roy Hodgson from, I mean what is that accent? Still at least they've got some good British steel up front in Shane Long. As for Swansea, you can say what you like about the Welsh.
Verdict: 1-0

Wolves v QPR
There seems to be a huge circus that follows Joey Barton around but let's hope he doesn't distract from what could be a real battle, with crunching tackles, red cards and bad behaviour. That's what football's all about not Joey Barton.
Verdict: 0-0

Tottenham v Liverpool
You can't blame Harry Redknapp for resting players midweek, he will have had both eyes on his toughest fixture of the season this weekend. As for Liverpool they got a lot of poor decisions last week and they have every right to complain. Jamie Carragher penalised for hauling someone down in the box? It's a disgrace, he's Jamie Carragher for God's sake, he can do whatever he likes.
Verdict: 1-2

Fulham v Man City
City will be licking their wounds after only managing a draw in Europe. Typical foreigner behaviour if you ask me. You wouldn't catch me licking a wound. I'm no wound licker me, in fact I'm whatever the opposite of a wound licker is. Anyway City will demolish Fulham's girly boys sadly.
Verdict: 0-3

Sunderland v Stoke
Winston Churchill said there are only two certainties in life: death and taxes. Unless you're Asamoah Gyan of course. All he has to look forward to is death. In football there are two certainties too. Rory Delap's long throw, Stokes long ball game and Sunderland not living up to expectations.
Verdict: 0-1

Man Utd v Chelsea
Utd have started brilliantly but this is there first real test. It'll be interesting to see how they do against another top four team. Chelsea of course have John Terry and he's a match for any team. He's a true England captain, he wouldn't go to a bar in New Zealand to throw dwarves, he's got a midget chucking pitch in his own house.
Verdict: 1-1