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This one comes with a warning..
The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale."
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really p!ssed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
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Juke, just told that to the missus, far from impressed!
jukebox....booooooooooooo
Your the Ian Black of JA606
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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
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Allow me to redeem myself
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fück your brains out, and suck your tìts dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
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British athlete Mo Farah had stated if he won Olympic 10,000 metres he would parade around the stadium in a golden sash.
It is now being auctioned on e-bay under the item description "The Sash Mo Farah Wore".
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I was sprinkling baby powder around the lawn today when my mate said, "Dave, what the fook are you doing?"
I said, "I'm cutting the grass."
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Friday Joke thread!!
Page 1 of 3
posted on 17/8/12
Jameson, sorry.
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
jukebox
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
This one comes with a warning..
The wife came home with a pack of nappies and a bag of baby clothes.
"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked.
"Yeah," she said, "Gary Barlow's having a car boot sale."
posted on 17/8/12
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really p!ssed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
posted on 17/8/12
jukebox
posted on 17/8/12
Jukebox
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Juke, just told that to the missus, far from impressed!
posted on 17/8/12
jukebox....booooooooooooo
Your the Ian Black of JA606
posted on 17/8/12
On a roll Ginger
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Allow me to redeem myself
A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fück your brains out, and suck your tìts dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
British athlete Mo Farah had stated if he won Olympic 10,000 metres he would parade around the stadium in a golden sash.
It is now being auctioned on e-bay under the item description "The Sash Mo Farah Wore".
posted on 17/8/12
Comment deleted by Site Moderator
posted on 17/8/12
I was sprinkling baby powder around the lawn today when my mate said, "Dave, what the fook are you doing?"
I said, "I'm cutting the grass."
Page 1 of 3