Probably not related to your article but every time I read the name "Paddy McGuiness" I get the urge to each a sausage roll.

"each a sausage roll"

Is that a euphemism for something else?

You can tell me, Keith....each to his own, I say.

eat Pardon my poor spelling.


I blame his not too subliminal Greggs adverts.

Should give Peter Kay at least 94% of his annual income.

The second one. Absolutely bobbins.

I've had funnier bouts of projectile vomiting

Popular solely for his accent, although max and paddys is a genuinely funny show

The latter.

Let the boot see the face.

As the Ramones might have sung.
" Paddy is a , Judy is a punk oh yeah, oh yeah...

And oh I don't know why,
Oh I don't know why,
Perhaps he'll die, oh yeah,
Perhaps he'll die, oh yeah.

Let the ITV accountants
See the contract.

Somebody should take him out.

Now I'm going to spoil things slightly by saying that I don't mind him really. Though I do get annoyed by his insistence of laughing before the punchline of his own jokes.

Also because he's blatantly pinched his catchphrase from Dave Higson I now have to explain to people who don't know why I'm supposedly saying it wrong.

Actually I'm getting more peed off with him the more I'm writing - Tony, after you with that bat.

That's the spirit.

We'd be doing the nation a favour.

Thinking about it, have you not still got any contacts who could "accidentally" drop a 1000lb bomb on his house?

Don't have any contacts for the bomb any more. Could send him a crate of stuff. He'd not be able to get out the house for ages mind.

I think you're just being coy in case Special Branch are watching.

I'll keep me ears open for any loud bangs.

I'd take him to a remote forest, put a bag over his head and shoot him several times in the head from close range and I'd take all his close blood relatives and do the same to them to make sure the genealogical line was ended, just like they did with the Romanovs. Oh, and I'd burn all the remains.
But that's just me.

Frankly, not good enough. 3/10

Sorry......I know it sounds harsh, but if you're going to do a "proper job" on him then you need to think big.

Topping his blood relatives is a start but you really need to explore the time travel options (available on Firstchoice.com) in order to eradicate his wider family.

Come on, man. Invent a time machine and go back and do it properly.

We need to completely eradicate any lasting memory of this douche.

I'll help. I've got a spare Flux Capacitor in the shed that I'm not currently using.

Let's do it.

Correct take the clown out,in fact take a certain clown of a so called fan with him.

I've got a DeLorean and some Busted CDs.

I feel a plan coming on...

Also, coming from Bolton and sharing the same surname as Peter Kay hasn't done certain other people a lot of harm. Oh, that's who nuns meant isn't it.

Pretty sure nuns meant me, exiled.