Stick to your day job Curly

reported.

Not bad

They don't get any better.

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Jesus, with the exception of HB, I bet you lot are a reall laugh in the pub !!!!!

Jim is tired of his nagging wife and so hires a hitman to dispose of her

the hitman, Artie, has an unusual habit of asking for a deposit from his clients before hand. Jim is rather strapped for cash however and so can only give Artie £1

Artie takes the money anyway and tracks down Jim's wife to a Tesco store where he proceeds to strangle her in a deserted aisle. only the aisle isn't deserted. there's a witness who Artie is also forced to strangle, the commotion from which brings the authorities down on Artie who is quickly apprehended

next morning's newspaper headline: Artie chokes 2 for £1 in Tesco

comment by Don't Click_we've got Cesc Fabregas (U14639)
posted 12 seconds ago
Jim is tired of his nagging wife and so hires a hitman to dispose of her

the hitman, Artie, has an unusual habit of asking for a deposit from his clients before hand. Jim is rather strapped for cash however and so can only give Artie £1

Artie takes the money anyway and tracks down Jim's wife to a Tesco store where he proceeds to strangle her in a deserted aisle. only the aisle isn't deserted. there's a witness who Artie is also forced to strangle, the commotion from which brings the authorities down on Artie who is quickly apprehended

next morning's newspaper headline: Artie chokes 2 for £1 in Tesco


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Thank you, thank you so much !!!!








You just made my joke look funny

Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Because he got caught with seaweed.

you've all been reported

a leopard escaped from my local zoo but didn;t get very far

he was spotted

OP, it's that bad it's good

How do you turn a fruit in to a vegetable?
Aids.

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Bluedroog wins

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I work with a couple of fruits...what if they say it

What does a pervert frog say?







Rubbit

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We fit a little black box, and you get a discount on your car insurance if you 'Drive like a Girl' "
So let me get this straight:
If i pull out at junctions without looking,
Only use my mirrors for putting on makeup,
Signal a millisecond before turning in to a road,
Slow down for no apparent reason,
Drive at 30 mph in a 40 zone,and then immediately speed up to 40 once the limit goes down to 30,
Not know what to do at roundabouts,
Not know the correct lane to use,
Signal left, then turn right,
Stall, and over-rev the engine constantly....I ACTUALLY get a discount???

Did I cross a line?

When I was working at Tesco today, a customer was being rude to me, so I scanned him in the eyes with the barcode reader.

You should have seen the look on his face, it was priceless.

My local butcher is doing 4 halves of venison for £200, I thought it was two deer.

==============

What do you call a deer with no eyes?