What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?
A triangle has three points
A little girl was making a wish with Santa, she said I would like a unicorn for christmas, Santa replies but unicorns are just imaginary make another wish, she says ok I would like Manchester United to win a game.
Santa replied, what colour unicorn would you like?
Went on online to order myself a Halloween costume. I decided to buy a Mickey Mouse outfit.
Little did I know then that I would now be the owner of Manchester United.
Stolen from another thread.,
Saw a little boy crying at the side of the street and asked why he was crying and he said “I’ve ran away from home as my dad beats me”. I asked would I call his Mam to which he replied “no she beats me too”. I asked “who will I get for you so?” He replied “Manchester United, they never beat anyone”
An oldie but goodie:
A man desperate at United's current situation decides to kill himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full United kit as his last statement. His neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the United kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
What have Man Utd and a three-pin plug got in common?
A: They're both of bugger-all use in Europe.
comment by The Pun-isher (U21588)
posted 27 minutes ago
An oldie but goodie:
A man desperate at United's current situation decides to kill himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full United kit as his last statement. His neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the United kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Love it
comment by The Process (U20671)
posted 44 minutes ago
Went on online to order myself a Halloween costume. I decided to buy a Mickey Mouse outfit.
Little did I know then that I would now be the owner of Manchester United.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It always used to be a cowboy outfit
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 17 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Happens to us all TOOR. You lot were the same not that long ago.
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 30 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Just a bit of humour about the situation. It's been so bad this last eight years you have to laugh!
comment by Vidicschin (U3584)
posted 38 minutes ago
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 17 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Happens to us all TOOR. You lot were the same not that long ago.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Indeed a bit humour isn't the end of the world and the clubs fans that can't do it is clearly up their own rear end
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 2 hours, 30 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's wrong with a bit of humour you miserable twaaaaaat.
See, this is why United fans are a decent bunch on here unlike the London boards....
comment by bestoftherest2021 (U22523)
posted 5 hours, 47 minutes ago
What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?
A triangle has three points
A little girl was making a wish with Santa, she said I would like a unicorn for christmas, Santa replies but unicorns are just imaginary make another wish, she says ok I would like Manchester United to win a game.
Santa replied, what colour unicorn would you like?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's one for ya, what's the difference between the OP joke and yours?
A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, dressed in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the man.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shiiiite, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said
I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,"
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got the f***er with the door!"
Not about Utd but related to
David Beckham gets into a London cab, sits there for a few seconds when the cabbie looks at Becks and says ‘go on then give us a clue’? Beckham replies ‘used to play for Utd, ex captain of England and married to a spice girl’ the cabbie replied ‘ no you thick tw..t , where do you want to go’
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If you don’t laugh you’ll cry
Page 1 of 2
posted on 28/10/21
🤣
posted on 28/10/21
posted on 28/10/21
Pretty good!
posted on 28/10/21
What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?
A triangle has three points
A little girl was making a wish with Santa, she said I would like a unicorn for christmas, Santa replies but unicorns are just imaginary make another wish, she says ok I would like Manchester United to win a game.
Santa replied, what colour unicorn would you like?
posted on 28/10/21
Went on online to order myself a Halloween costume. I decided to buy a Mickey Mouse outfit.
Little did I know then that I would now be the owner of Manchester United.
posted on 28/10/21
posted on 28/10/21
Stolen from another thread.,
posted on 28/10/21
Saw a little boy crying at the side of the street and asked why he was crying and he said “I’ve ran away from home as my dad beats me”. I asked would I call his Mam to which he replied “no she beats me too”. I asked “who will I get for you so?” He replied “Manchester United, they never beat anyone”
posted on 28/10/21
posted on 28/10/21
An oldie but goodie:
A man desperate at United's current situation decides to kill himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full United kit as his last statement. His neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the United kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
posted on 28/10/21
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
A: They had pictures of Manchester United Players on them...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
posted on 28/10/21
What have Man Utd and a three-pin plug got in common?
A: They're both of bugger-all use in Europe.
posted on 28/10/21
comment by The Pun-isher (U21588)
posted 27 minutes ago
An oldie but goodie:
A man desperate at United's current situation decides to kill himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself. At the very last moment, he decides upon wearing his full United kit as his last statement. His neighbour, catching sight of the impending incident, informs the police. On arrival, the police quickly remove the United kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders. The man, totally confused asks why. The policeman simply replies, "it's to avoid embarrassing your family."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Love it
posted on 28/10/21
comment by The Process (U20671)
posted 44 minutes ago
Went on online to order myself a Halloween costume. I decided to buy a Mickey Mouse outfit.
Little did I know then that I would now be the owner of Manchester United.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It always used to be a cowboy outfit
posted on 28/10/21
Good stuff OP
posted on 28/10/21
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
posted on 28/10/21
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 17 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Happens to us all TOOR. You lot were the same not that long ago.
posted on 28/10/21
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 30 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Just a bit of humour about the situation. It's been so bad this last eight years you have to laugh!
posted on 28/10/21
comment by Vidicschin (U3584)
posted 38 minutes ago
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 17 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Happens to us all TOOR. You lot were the same not that long ago.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Indeed a bit humour isn't the end of the world and the clubs fans that can't do it is clearly up their own rear end
posted on 29/10/21
comment by There'sOnlyOneRed's (U1721)
posted 2 hours, 30 minutes ago
Jesus it's now at the point they're taking the рiss out of their own club.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
What's wrong with a bit of humour you miserable twaaaaaat.
posted on 29/10/21
See, this is why United fans are a decent bunch on here unlike the London boards....
posted on 29/10/21
comment by bestoftherest2021 (U22523)
posted 5 hours, 47 minutes ago
What's the difference between a triangle and Manchester United ?
A triangle has three points
A little girl was making a wish with Santa, she said I would like a unicorn for christmas, Santa replies but unicorns are just imaginary make another wish, she says ok I would like Manchester United to win a game.
Santa replied, what colour unicorn would you like?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's one for ya, what's the difference between the OP joke and yours?
posted on 29/10/21
posted on 29/10/21
A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Manchester United fan he would see strutting down the side of the road, dressed in their ubiquitous red colours. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.
One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in!"
The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Manchester United fan walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest, so at the last minute he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing the man.
However even though he was certain he missed the glory-hunting shiiiite, he still heard a loud "THUD." Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said
I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Manchester United fan,"
"That's okay," replied the priest. "I got the f***er with the door!"
posted on 29/10/21
Not about Utd but related to
David Beckham gets into a London cab, sits there for a few seconds when the cabbie looks at Becks and says ‘go on then give us a clue’? Beckham replies ‘used to play for Utd, ex captain of England and married to a spice girl’ the cabbie replied ‘ no you thick tw..t , where do you want to go’
Page 1 of 2