its okay but not one of your best, im sure you could do better!

I have a joke:

Liverpool!

Three guys went to a ski lodge, the rooms are full, so they have to share a room with one bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this very wild dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and said "That's unbelievable, I had the same dream too!". Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

Paracetamol are great for getting rid of headaches.


I fed five hundred of them to the wife.

Last night when I was cooking tea I got some herbs in my eye.


Now Im parsley sighted.

The advantage of having Alzheimer's. New friends every day.

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My girlfriend called me a pervert!

I said to her "that's a big word for a nine year old"

Thats the last time I hire a claustrophobic locksmith.

He was only in the house for a minute and he made a bolt for the door.

Three guys went to a ski lodge, the rooms are full, so they have to share a room with one bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this very wild dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and said "That's unbelievable, I had the same dream too!". Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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Just went upstairs and saw a ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my bedroom.


At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

What does kfc and a fat chick have in common?

After you are done with the leg and the thigh you have a greasy box to throw your bone into!

Did you hear about the guy with the 12 inch c ock?



He thought it was a foot......

Did you hear the one about a farmer who was feeding his chickens hot curries to flavour the meat to sell to Indian restaurants. One of the chickens died so he took it to the vet. On close inspection the vet said, “I’m very sorry but he appears to have slipped into a Korma!”

I was talking to a bloke who make stencils. He said he's working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week at the moment. I thought to myself, blimey he's got his work cut out.

Womens Golf.


They're all pretty good with an iron, but they can't drive.

The wife said she was going to leave me due to my obsession with 60's pop group The Monkees. At first I didnt believe her but then I saw her face.

Darth Vadar: Son, I'm really disappointed with the Christmas present you got me.

Luke: What? It's Christmas Eve, you've not even opened them yet?! How do you know what I got you?…

Darth Vadar: I felt your presence, Luke…

Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular

Six out of seven dwarves arent happy

We'reNotEnglishWe'reScouse (U6989)
Three guys went to a ski lodge, the rooms are full, so they have to share a room with one bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this very wild dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and said "That's unbelievable, I had the same dream too!". Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

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The wife said she was going to leave me due to my obsession with 60's pop group The Monkees. At first I didnt believe her but then I saw her face.

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Got my photo took with REM the other day.
Thats me in the corner

Woke up this morning to find two helicopters and a plane at the top of the stairs.
That will teach me to leave the landing light on.

Talent Show Contestants
I'm Billy C#ck and this is my brother Brian Balls.

Together we are... Billy and Brian

How do you know your girlfriends too young for you?

When you have to make airplane noises to get your c*** into her mouth.

Thank you Jimmy Carr!